Dear Coleen
My wife threw me out recently and I desperately want her back, but she’s not having any of it. The long and short of it is, I got a bit too friendly with another woman who lives locally and we started sharing lifts to take our boys to and from football practice.
She paid me a lot of attention and, if I’m honest, I was flattered, so I flirted back. Anyway, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together, but only once.
It got back to my wife that I’d become close to this woman via someone else who knows us both, and that’s when she threw me out. She was angrier than I’d ever seen her.
She told me this woman (who’s single) is a notorious flirt and has a track record when it comes to other women’s husbands. She said I’d humiliated her and there’s no coming back from it.
I feel stupid that I was taken in and I’ve ruined my marriage, also that my kids have been affected, too. I’m now renting a flat and just keep beating myself up about why I did something so idiotic.
Is there anything I can do to prove to my wife that I’m sorry and that I’ll never hurt her again?
Coleen says
This sounds pretty recent and raw. Your wife is clearly still dealing with the betrayal and, naturally, she’s pretty angry.
I think now it might be a case of letting your actions speak for themselves – giving her some time to consider things calmly, proving to her that you have changed and that you recognise the impact your actions have had on your marriage and your family.
Bend over backwards to help with the kids, offer to go for relationship therapy and do anything you can to prove to her that you’re ready to work hard at saving your marriage.
I don’t know if she’ll agree to counselling or take you back, but I think you also have to consider why you got into a relationship with this other woman in the first place.
What was lacking in your marriage?
Most people who feel happy and fulfilled in their relationship don’t sleep with someone else, even if they find another person attractive and they have the opportunity.
You can’t expect your wife to just get over what you did because you’ve apologised, but maybe in time she’ll be willing to talk.
In the meantime, be a good dad to your kids.
Good luck.
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