Dear Coleen
I’m a widower aged 74 and have three grown-up daughters all in their 40s.
My wife died eight years ago and, since then, I’ve been on my own, although I’ve always been keen to meet someone special.
Then, 18 months ago, I met a wonderful woman (also widowed). We’ve been seeing each other ever since and are very happy – so much so we want to marry next year.
The problem is my eldest two daughters hate the fact I have a partner and seem to see it as a betrayal of their mother. When I told them we were getting married, the youngest gave me a hug and said congratulations and the other two just started ranting at me.
I feel it’s very unfair of them. I would love us all to get along, but everything I suggest is shot down in flames.
I turn 75 in February and would love to have a party for my close friends and family, but my eldest two daughters say they won’t come “if she’s there”, meaning my partner.
Coleen says
Look, you’re entitled to happiness and to date or marry whoever you like.
You’re not doing anything wrong – it’s been eight years since your wife passed away and, even though I’m
sure you think about her frequently, you’re still on this planet and you have a life to live.
Your daughters need to suck it up I’m afraid, as harsh as that sounds. Of course, in an ideal world, we want everyone to get along, but you might have to accept that’s not going to happen – or at least they might not be the best of friends and that’s OK.
But don’t allow them to make you feel guilty.
Tell them that you love them unconditionally and your partner can never replace their mother, but you love her, too, and want to spend the rest of your life with her.
I’d hope that once they have time to let this sink in they’ll realise how unfair they’re being. I wish you lots of luck and happiness for your future.
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