It is funny how the little number sewn into the inside of your clothes can mess with your head. Maybe it is that you don't like how large it is. Or that your number is never in the shops. Or that you seem to have a different number in every shop you walk into.
But, imagine a world in which the clothes you buy have no number on them at all.
First launched in Japan in November 2017, the Zozosuit promises consumers the "revolution of fashion" through "size-free" clothes.
It is the brainchild of billionaire Yusaku Maezawa, the man behind e-commerce site Zozotown. Complaining of always having to have his pants and shirts shortened, Maezawa (who is set to be the first private passenger on a solo SpaceX rocket trip around the moon, as you do) developed a way of ordering made-to-measure clothes online.
Zozosuit owners take to Instagram to show off their spots.Credit:Instagram
The range – all basics: jeans in three styles, t-shirts, merino jumpers – is ordered from the comfort of your own home on the basis of measurements taken using a "Zozosuit", a two-piece outfit, offered in two sizes (based on your height).
The suit is covered in 300 white dots, which allows an accompanying app to measure its wearer's body.
In its first six months on the market, a million Zozosuits were sold. They are now available in 72 countries, including Australia.
(There are reports that the polka dot suits have become something of a fashion item in their native Japan but, having worn one, I find this to be baffling. They are made from material little thicker than a stocking, and expose underwear lines you never knew you had. Also, the purpose of the suit is to accurately display your body, not enhance it: this is not your usual shapewear, it's "your usual shape, there".)
The system is relatively easy. You order your suit, download the app and tell it your height and weight. Then you pop your suit on, place your phone on a special stand (provided) the appropriate distance away from your body (clearly indicated) as the Zozo app takes 12 pictures of you while you turn to each clock position (oddly meditative) to measure you in 24 places.
At the end of it all, you almost expect to be told you've passed the screentest for a role in the next Avatar or Happy Feet. Instead, you receive something stranger: a 3D model of your body.
Here is an assortment of the fun facts I learnt from poring over a 3D model of myself: The circumference of my right thigh is 0.4cm longer than my left thigh and yet the circumference of my left calf is 0.4cm longer than my right. My right arm is about 3cm longer than my left. My ankles are exactly the same size.
But it was upon looking at this 3D model of myself that I first started to have my doubts about Zozo.
I loosely knew my bust, waist and hip measurements from buying clothes online and Zozo was a bit off with all three (admittedly, the app does provide two waist measurements – "upper" and "lower" waist – so perhaps we were comparing apple-shapes and oranges).
Also, the 3D model didn't exactly look like me. The bits of me which the app had not measured had been estimated, creating weird results. That unmeasured "middle" waist seemed the wrong shape as I used my finger to rotate the supposed me on screen, as did the region I believe scientists term the "underboob".
The app said my right inseam was 2cm longer than my left but I wonder if actually I just needed to pick out a slight wedgie.
Regardless, I went ahead and ordered the white middle-class woman's uniform of a striped T-shirt ($US27) and a pair of straight leg jeans ($US58).
Four weeks later, the clothes turned up at my apartment and … I looked like Jared on the Subway ad. The shirt was fine (a bit long) but the jeans – fitting my legs and bum – swam around my waist.
So, is this the future of fashion retail?
Brian Walker, CEO of Retail Doctor Group, is sceptical.
"It's kind of clever," he says of the brand. "But I don't think it's going to take off."
He says the Zozo model manages to capture two current retail trends by reversing the traditional retail supply chain: the use mobile technology and cutting costs.
"One of the ways to reduce cost is to reduce inventory hold," he explains. "You've got these two things working together, made-to-measure and the way of communicating with the brand."
"We know that, on all online orders, around 50 per cent are made on mobile and we expect that to grow to 60 or 70 per cent by 2019 end. So you've got this situation where, particularly millennials which this looks well placed to target, are making their purchases on their phone."
The model has definite positives. As more brands add "plus-size" ranges, the Zozo model removes the need for such labels entirely. And they appear to recognise this as a selling point: their current ad campaign uses the hashtag "#BeUniqueBeEqual", featuring people telling stories of self-acceptance.
But then there are its shortcomings: the Zozo brand only provides easily-produced basics. Also, it is difficult to replace an in-store experience, particularly for notoriously difficult to buy items like jeans.
"Whenever [Retail Doctor has] looked at fashion retail, people want a tactile experience," Walker says. "People want a human experience in shops, and they want the product to be tailored for them, but they still want to be able to try it on then and there."
Of course, there are ways I could have had a better Zozosuit experience.
You don't have to take the app's measurements as gospel. When ordering, the app tells you your expected "fit"; the measurements it expects will best fit you. If I were to use the app again, and not as an experiment, I would bring the waist by about three inches and probably have a great pair of jeans.
But, as for that size-free world? It seems it isn't here just yet.
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