I’M not going to lie, the lead-up to my 30th birthday last August was a little rocky.
The pressure to have achieved certain life mile-stones was weighing heavily and suddenly the thought of having to be sensible felt boring and, well, too old.
Now, a Cambridge University study has revealed that our brains are wired to become proper grown-ups in our thirties.
My momentary life crisis makes sense, after all.
Twelve years ago, I could not wait to “legally” become an adult when I turned 18 — because all that really meant was I could buy alcohol myself.
It was turning 30 that meant the real adulting had to begin — and right before my eyes, it has.
Here are 30 things that have changed since I became 30 . . .
1. For Christmas I asked for a nice set of saucepans. Gone are the days of lusting after a lippy. Now, all I want is some kitchen gear to replace the worn-out Ikea bulk-buy I did five years ago.
2. I got engaged. Yep, my boy-friend finally put a ring on it. Now I browse wedding florists on Instagram, instead of the Kard-ashians. Kind of.
3. Two-day hangovers ARE a thing. I used to laugh when people would say: “I can’t drink like I used to.” But really, I can’t. In my early twenties, I would go out for four nights in a row and roll into work, knock back some Berocca and be as good as new. Just two weeks ago, I had a hang-over that lasted three days, I got asked multiple times if I was ill, and my reflection in the mirror resembled Voldemort.
4. Being asked for ID is a compliment. When I was 29, I was asked for it when buying a bottle of wine — and was outraged. Now, when I DON’T get asked to prove my age, I’m insulted.
5. Cancelled plans bring me joy. I know that sounds unsociable but there is nothing like receiving the “So sorry, can we reschedule?” text when you’re knackered.
6. I have a savings account and a mortgage. If only I put money into the savings account and fully understood the mortgage.
7. Going to a nightclub is like going back to the sixth-form common room. A few months ago, I returned to an old haunt for a nostalgic night out. Just don’t do it.
8. I’ve joined a gym. I used to try quick-fix diets to lose weight. I still find gyms full of psychopaths enjoying treadmill torture but now I realise I need to get off my backside for my health — and not just to try to get a Victoria’s Secret body.
9. I’ve found my foundation. It has taken years of mismatched make-up, terrible mask lines and shiny T-zones — but I finally think I’ve nailed it.
10. I have a payment plan for a sofa. And, you know what? I’m OK with that.
11. I look at a wine list. Granted, I still don’t really know what I’m looking for and always just opt for a Pinot Grigio. But I think adult-ing means not going with the house red or white — albeit going for the next cheapest.
12. Beer fear gets worse. The morning after the night before is now a blur of carbs, headaches and painstakingly analysing how annoying I was. Was I too loud? Did I chat about work too much? As a carefree twenty-something, the post-night analysis was strictly who got off with who. Now it’s a full-blown therapy session.
13. When friends tell me they’re pregnant, I’m pleased. Previously, I had secretly thought, “But how will you cope? You’re so young” — before realising that they, and I, really were not.
14. Complaining is a hobby. Gone are the days of having to put up with life’s bulls**t. Now, if my food is cold, it goes back. And don’t even get me started on my electricity supplier.
15. I am tougher than I thought. Life is hard. Throughout my twenties, there were illnesses, deaths and tough times. And I appreciate more than ever that my loved ones are not immortal. But also, I know that no matter how difficult, I can get through anything.
16. Mondays are off limits. If a friend suggests grabbing a drink, I am already mentally cancelling in my head. Getting through the week without a late night at the start is enough of a slog, thanks.
17. Beans on toast for dinner is underrated and should be accepted as a grown-up luxury.
18. I can treat my parents. There is something very grown-up about paying for your parents’ dinner once in a while.
19. Texts with my boyfriend are formulaic. They go: “What do you want for dinner?” “Don’t mind, you?” “Don’t mind. Chicken?” “I had chicken for lunch. Pasta?” “I had pasta for lunch yesterday.” And so on and so on until the world ends.
20. I only tweet about the train delays. Because moaning about the 8.02 to Moorgate IS interesting.
21. Dresses with pockets are the future. And, yes, I check when shopping.
22. I am turning into my mother. A separate study recently revealed that women start mimicking their mums at the age of 33. Well, I have peaked early.
23. I don’t know what No1 in the charts is. There was a time when not only could I recite the whole top ten, but all the lyrics too. My Spotify is still made up of Noughties classics.
24. Hearing people in the office say they were born in 1995 terrifies me. How can that be possible?
25. I take carrier bags to the supermarket.
26. Looking at washing labels could be a dealbreaker. No matter how much I like a jumper, if it’s dry-clean only, it’s staying on the rack.
27. Weekends are spent cleaning bathrooms and ironing the bedsheets. I do go out, too, I promise — but not until the house feels clean.
28. Rose-tinted glasses are real. I look back with fondness and love at my girls’ holiday to Magaluf when I was 19. In reality, it was a week of grotty bar crawls.
29. Comfy knickers trump tiny, provocative ones every time. Wedgies are not sexy.
30. I am faking adulting. I think everyone is a little bit. Even after writing this list, and realising how much life has changed with the dawn of this new decade, I am still that self-conscious, excitable, awk-ward 18-year-old who felt adulthood was almost within reach.
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