‘My daughters have been plunged back to the days of my divorce’: Vanessa Feltz admits her split from Ben Ofoedu has caused ‘damage’ to her family
Vanessa Feltz has admitted her split from ex-fiancé Ben Ofoedu has caused ‘damage’ to her family, greatly upsetting her daughters and grandchildren.
The broadcaster, 60, recently revealed she had parted ways with Phats & Small singer Ben, 50, after 16 years, amid claims he had been unfaithful.
Writing in her Daily Express column, Vanessa said the breakup has had deep ramifications for her loved ones and this Valentine’s Day will be the first she has spent alone since 1975.
Vanessa’s daughters Allegra, 37, and Saskia, 34, have been reminded of her painful divorce from their father Michael Kurer back in 2000.
Her grandchildren Zekey, nine, Neroli, seven, AJ, three and four-month-old Cecily have only ever known Ben as part of the family.
Heartbreaking: Vanessa Feltz has admitted her split from ex-fiancé Ben Ofoedu has caused ‘damage’ to her family, greatly upsetting her daughters and grandchildren
She wrote: ‘My grandchildren don’t see themselves as walk-ons. They’ve loved wholeheartedly and are reeling at the departure of the familiar beloved.
‘My daughters have been plunged back 23 years to the dark days of my divorce.’
‘I just wish folk who play fast and loose with other people’s hearts realised quite how wildely damage they cause spreads.’
Vanessa said she and her family are now wrestling with what to do about old photos of Ben, wondering if they would hold on to the happy memories or get rid of them.
The radio host said she has always been in a relationship since Valentine’s Day 1975 with only the briefest bouts of singledom in between.
Vanessa plans to spend this Valentine’s Day writing heartfelt cards to her grandchildren to keep herself busy.
The presenter’s children have already been vocal about the split, with Allegra recently revealing she learned Ben was cheating on Christmas Day when his lover trolled her online.
Allegra and Saskia received the awful messages over the festive period and knew they had to tell their mother.
Family: Vanessa’s daughters Allegra, 37, (right) and Saskia, 34, (left) have been reminded of her painful divorce from their father Michael Kurer back in 2000
Difficult: Her grandchildren Zekey, nine, Neroli, seven, AJ, three and four-month-old Cecily have only ever known Ben as part of the family (Vanessa and Allegra pictured with Zekey)
She said: ‘It was on Christmas Day, of all days. We were all together as a family, but Ben was away in pantomime, when the messages appeared via Instagram.
‘Until that moment we were having a really lovely time, the children were having a lovely time, so for us to just receive that via a social media account was the most dreadful shock.
‘It was anonymous, and of course it revealed lots that we didn’t know — but it was also very abusive and extremely hurtful,’ she told The Sun.
Allegra said it was ‘horrible’ when the time came to tell Vanessa about the messages, which she described as ‘abusive’.
While Allegra noted the messages were anonymous, she said there was enough information to know the claims against Ben were true.
Vanessa said: ‘I just wish folk who play fast and loose with other people’s hearts realised quite how wildely damage they cause spreads’
Her candid words come after Ben admitted to cheating on Vanessa in a tearful video he shared on Sunday.
Ben acknowledged a sexting relationship with a fan of Phats & Small, and that he flirted with another woman at a Butlin’s.
In the video he says: ‘Firstly I’d like to apologise to Vanessa and also to my family. This last week has been incredibly painful. I’ve never had this amount of abuse.
‘I will always love Vanessa. She is the Queen of my heart, she was my everything. But I have been incredibly foolish and stupid. I just have to hold my hands up and be honest. I have every regret – where do you want me to start!
‘It has been a lot. It is about my behaviour, I have to look at myself. I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past three weeks. I’m not here to point fingers I am here to say it’s me and I need to work on myself.
‘I don’t come from a family that spoke about therapy but I’d love now to see a therapist. I need someone to help me sort things out. There were two situations that have meant I have effectively thrown my life away.’
Regret: Her candid words come after Ben admitted to cheating on Vanessa in a tearful video he shared on Sunday
Ben previously told The Mirror of the Ibiza fling: ‘I met her on the gig scene. She was the same age as Vanessa, possibly older. She took a shine to me, said lots of nice things.
‘Over a short period of time we had sex three times. It was purely sexual, there were no feelings involved. It felt like a chore. I just fell back into it with her to keep her sweet and everything under wraps.’
Ben said he struggled to come to terms with Vanessa’s apparent lack of desire to get married, despite the pair getting engaged in 2006.
He explained: ‘I cheated because I was insecure. The girl in Ibiza said things like “You’re such a great guy. I don’t know why you’re not married. Who wouldn’t want to marry you?” That coupled with alcohol was a recipe for disaster. It was a volatile situation. That’s why that happened.’
Vanessa previously said she was hesitant to get married again after her divorce from her doctor ex-husband Michael Kurer in 2000.
Ben said: ‘I will always love Vanessa. She is the Queen of my heart, she was my everything. But I have been incredibly foolish and stupid’
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