My girlfriend is a very physical woman.
She likes her sex intense and hard. Every weekend is dedicated to her pleasure. She has a special room in her flat called the “Fun Pad” that is kitted out with chains, handcuffs and all manner of adult toys.
She loves smutty films and has lubrication on tap.
READ MORE: 'I fake orgasms with fella so I can end our annoying sticky sex as soon as possible'
She’s handy with everything from a leather paddle to a riding crop. And, more than once, I’ve come a cropper…
Just recently our love making has taken a dark turn. Suddenly she likes to thrash and hurt me.
She pants that she needs to express her love and passion in a “hands on” way but I don’t know how much more I can take. This is not me and I’m living a lie.
We met online a few months ago. I fancied her from the start and was so keen to impress and seduce her that I went along with it when she said she loved bondage, S&M and mild pain.
For the first few weeks I submitted to her instructions. I massaged her shoulders and licked her feet.
But now I don’t know who I am any more and frequently feel half dead, like a flogged horse.
I realise she’s frustrated at work. She has an unreasonable boss whom she hates. There’s also conflict in her family over inherited money and a cottage that she feels should have been hers.
I can tell she holds it together in public, but needs the release of edgy sex in private, but that’s not great news for me. How do I get her to cool it without looking like a wimp or driving her away?
JANE SAYS: I worry that you are trying too hard to impress and hold on to your lover. Is she someone you can have a serious conversation with outside of the bedroom?
Do you think she’d be interested in toning things down and taking your feelings into account?
I get it that she has a number of frustrating issues in her life. Edgy sex gives her a release from her worries, but where is the balance and the consideration?
A healthy, mature relationship can’t be all about her needs while ignoring yours.
Ask for a chat and encourage her to see things from your point of view. Make the point that some of her tastes are too extreme. Is she willing to meet you half way?
Does she think she might benefit from professional help regarding her energy and inner anger? What about looking for a new job or tackling her family head on?
She needs to hear you’re not enjoying yourself and the situation isn’t sustainable because it isn’t pleasurable and her actions hurt.
Ultimately, you may have to face up to the fact that you’re not compatible and move on. Don’t stay because of your pride or because you’re worried about being single again.
Start being true to yourself and working out what it is you need.
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