HORSE racing is a brilliant sport, and I am very lucky to have spent the last seven years writing about it.
I enjoy digging out feel-good stories about the people who work in this sport of kings. But there are times when I’ll put my serious hat on to talk about important topics – so here goes.
I’m a racing journalist and I have a gambling problem.
This will be news to a lot of people and it’s not an easy subject to talk about given my line of work – if I had a quid for every time I’d heard ‘that’s like an alcoholic working in a pub’.
I love racing and my career, despite being constantly exposed to gambling.
It’s difficult, but if I can get on top of my issues then you can, too.
Betting on sports can be a harmless and enjoyable pastime for most people, but for a lot of us it can have terrible consequences.
My problems began when I was at university – you were more likely to find me in the bookies than lectures – when I was betting well above my means.
I took my first job as a racing journo in 2014, moving 200 miles away from home to Yorkshire, and was lucky to work with a great group of people.
But I would often feel lonely and depressed and gambled to make myself feel ‘better’.
This would lead to feelings of shame and anger when my bets lost, so I started chasing. I would blow huge amounts, all in the name of trying to win back money I’d lost.
There were times when I would bet on the first race of the day and in every race thereafter until there was nothing left to punt on – or I’d run out of cash.
Then came payday loans. Awful things – I didn’t shed many tears when Wonga went bust.
I was in a dark place. Jack Daniel's became my best pal and there were occasions when I dragged myself into work still drunk from the night before.
Still, I hid it very well and lied to my parents every time I needed to ‘borrow’ money to see me through the rest of the month.
Sadly, I didn’t learn any lessons from a distressing 18 months, and shortly after returning south for a new job I ended up hitting a hot streak.
In autumn 2016, I had tens of thousands in my current account and more than enough for a house deposit in my savings – all from gambling.
Come spring, it was gone. I once again became desperate and borrowed money where I could to continue punting.
I would go months on end without seeing friends, turning down invites to social events and isolating myself completely. My gambling was all consuming.
I would be in the depths of despair at the end of the day having lost a fortune, only to wake up with a spring in my step the next morning at the prospect of trying to win it all back.
I repeated these destructive cycles over and over. On the fourth or fifth occasion that I'd gambled all of my money away, I felt relieved there was nothing left.
It reached a point in 2019 when, after a bad day, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I’d spent an entire day chasing my losses only to find myself around £1,500 down. I placed a football bet that night and was 60 seconds away from recouping my losses – until a last minute goal went against me and sent me spiralling again.
I felt totally helpless and numb, nauseous and anxious, emotionally drained and physically exhausted. It was getting too much.
Enough was enough, so I opened up to my family and to my partner. They they were amazing and supportive.
I sought help, attending group therapy sessions through Gamblers Anonymous and GamCare and I can't speak more highly of them.
It’s a safe space to understand your addiction, share experiences with people who are fighting the same fight and to talk without fear of being judged.
Gambling addiction doesn’t just leave financial scars – the deepest are usually mental. Not just for you, but also those close to you. These sessions help heal those wounds.
I won’t lie and say I haven’t slipped up over the last two years.
The voice in all compulsive gamblers' heads that wants to trick you into thinking you’re in control will try to be heard – the thought of giving up gambling can be terrifying.
But I promise, if you're going through the same thing, give it up. Life goes on, and you’ll find it’s not filled with stress, depression, lies and anxiety.
I was very fortunate to get tickets to the semi-final of Euro 2020. The tickets weren't cheap, and there is no chance I would have been able to afford to go if I was still gambling.
I would have missed out on some great memories with some of my closest friends. Little victories like that will give you a sense of pride and a sense of worth.
Please, if you're struggling, talk to someone. You are not alone. Help is out there.
"GamCare is the leading provider of information, treatment, advice and support for anyone affected by gambling harms across Great Britain.
"We urge anyone who is struggling with gambling to contact us, whether it’s their own or someone else’s gambling.
"We want you to know we are here for you, we understand and we can help you. If you think someone you know needs support, please get in touch.”
www.gamcare.org.uk
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