“American Horror Story” star Sarah Paulson stays around for the festivities and is alternately horrified and delighted by all of Daniels’ details.
If you haven’t eaten breakfast, we do not recommend starting before you read this article about Stormy Daniels eye-opening interview with Jimmy Kimmel about all things Trump, including his "little nubbin’."
Anticipating that it would be a good time, "American Horror Story" star Sarah Paulson stuck around for Daniels’ interview, and we are so grateful she did, because she represented all of us throughout. She was alternately delighted, entertained and horrified by the things he was hearing and even seeing.
Yes, there were visual aids, as Kimmel pulled out a collection of orange mushrooms so that Daniels could pick the one that closest resembled the presidential penis, which she described in her book "Full Disclosure" as smaller than average and resembling Toad from the Super Mario franchise of video games.
If you ever wanted to get a really good idea of what it looks like — and we know you don’t — the answers lie within the video above. If you can’t bear the thought of having this knowledge seared into your brain through all of eternity, maybe stop watching before the end. The good news is you’ll still get plenty of solid Trump jabs along the way.
MAGA fans are not going to like a single bit of this interview, and if you believe in honoring and respecting the dignity of the office of the president of the United States of America, you probably won’t either.
In fact, we’re surprised you’ve made it this far. Shouldn’t you be down in the comments by now railing against this post and video and Daniels and Kimmel and probably boycotting "American Horror Story" because Paulson was there?
As for the rest of you, Daniels was relentless in attacking a man she voluntarily slept with. We already knew she was quick-witted, based on her Twitter feed and previous interviews, but these jabs were coming sharp, hard and fast and Paulson was here for every one of them.
We’ve compiled some of the best jokes from the interview below, or you can check out the full experience above … if you dare:
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"I’d like to stay." –Sarah (explaining why she’s still there)
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"Threesomes are always better." –Stormy
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"She did it right away, folks. Right away." –Sarah
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"Look how happy you are. I bring you such joy. You’re more excited than the part about you." –Stormy
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"There’s a part about Jimmy?" –Sarah
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"It’s not about his parts."
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"Oh, well then, never mind."
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"I think you could still order him around a little bit." –Jimmy
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"I’d have to speak in Russian." –Stormy
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"This is very good." –Sarah (she knows how to make good television, that’s for sure)
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"What does he do? When you spank Donald Trump, is he like leaning forward and going like, ooh!" –Jimmy
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(Sarah covers her ears and looks down… some things are better left unknown)
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"Would you like me to show you? Stand up." –Stormy
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"Stand up, Jimmy." –Sarah (after he hesitates)
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"Hold on, I just want to pray for a second. Please God, let him be watching right now." –Jimmy (after Stormy spanks him)
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"And you made love." –Jimmy
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"Gross, what is wrong with you? I laid there and prayed for death." –Stormy
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"If you were so grossed out by him, why did you have sex with him?" –Jimmy
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"I still don’t know." –Stormy
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"You also described the president’s penis, let me just read it." –Jimmy
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"You have it bookmarked? What is wrong with you? And you highlighted it?" –Stormy
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"Do you know how much hate mail I’ve gotten from people who love Mario Kart? In one day I managed to ruin half of America’s childhood and mushroom farming everywhere." –Stormy
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(Jimmy brings out a tray of orange mushrooms in varying shapes and sizes)
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"That is so disturbing." –Sarah
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"Which of these orange mushrooms would mostly represent the commander-in-chief of the United States military." –Jimmy
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"Can you hold it up so it’s coming at me at the correct angle." –Stormy
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"It’s a nubbin. It’s a little nubbin!" –Sarah (after Stormy makes her mushroom selection)
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"Well if you want to go on another date with him, we’d be happy to pay for it." –Jimmy
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"I thought we were friends!" –Stormy
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"I’m gonna put this back in here." –Jimmy (reinserting pegged mushroom onto board)
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"No, don’t say put it back in." –Stormy
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