Well, the Bachelor-watching nation will be in need of a stiff drink once this thing wraps up tomorrow night – with all the highs and lows and rumours and spoilers, it's become a full-time job keeping up with Nick "Honey Badger" Cummins' quest for love.
Will he or won't he wind up with someone at the end? That's the big question, but right now what we're all wondering is how long-time favourite Brooke Blurton can go from “falling for” Cummins to ditching him at the rose ceremony in a matter of minutes (at least in TV time).
Let's start from the beginning, though. Traditionally, this episode – the second last in the season – is a close second to the finale on the heartbreak scale because with three deeply invested bachelorettes left, you know one of them is going to get their heart smashed by the time the credits roll.
Still standing are Sophie Tieman, Brittany Hockley and Brooke Blurton. They're all gorgeous, they're all developing feelings for Cummins and, most significantly, he seems to have developed feelings for all of them in return.
Taking each woman on one final date to help narrow them down to two in Wednesday night's episode, Cummins has his work cut out for him. Though you'd hope, by now, he'd secretly know which woman is the right one for him.
For the first date, Sophie and Cummins are going skydiving, which turns out to be endless entertainment for viewers because both Sophie and Cummins are terrified of heights.
Nick Cummins is terrified of heights. Can you tell?
Normally on these adrenaline-filled dates the Bachelor seizes the opportunity to come across as the strong, brave type – but we get none of that from Cummins, who looks so terrified he barely speaks during the entire journey up into the sky.
His eyes widen with every bump and the colour drains from his face as the door to the plane opens to let the skydivers out.
As fate would have it – and just as Cummins has worked up the nerve to haul his legs outside the plane doors – the pilot decides the wind is too intense (fancy hearing those words when you're trapped in a tin can hurtling through the air).
They have to abort.
A “this might be our last kiss” kiss for Sophie and Cummins.
The relief on both their faces is priceless. Later, they get all romantic on the date couch and the normally cautious Sophie finally manages to tell Cummins how she feels about him – that, in essence, she is falling head over heels for him.
They kiss, it's cute, she could win.
For Brittany's date, the pair indulge in some Gelato Messina ice-creams (jel) and then trek it to the top of a lighthouse overlooking Sydney Harbour in all her glory.
There's something quite adult and sensible about Brittany and Cummins' relationship at this point – maybe it just seems that way in contrast to his adventurous date with Sophie, but it's definitely quite… placid. In a nice way?
Brittany was dying to ask Cummins about his relationship with eliminated bachelorette Cass.
After their fun day out in Sydney, the couple heads off to a beautiful garden setting where a conveniently located string quartet plays some romantic tunes that the couple can slow-dance to. Like we said, placid.
It's all romantic and so on, but you can tell Brittany is positively itching to grill Cummins about his relationship with last week’s eliminated bachelorette, Cass. She doesn't wait long before diving in and Cummins seems, again, taken aback by one of his faithful ladies daring to fire hard-hitting questions his way.
Some people have said Brittany doesn't need to know about Cummins' past with Cass – but we'd bet our last dollar that anyone in her shoes would have ample questions. How's she to know she's not being played in front of the nation? She doesn't, so it's fair enough that she's looking for some sort of reassurance from the guy.
Cummins assures her his relationship with Cass is done with, and they quickly move on. It's all Brittany needed to hear, and she tells Cummins that she "all in" – read: she's his if he wants her.
They kiss, it's cute, she could win.
Brittany told Cummins she’s “all in” and he rewarded her with a kiss.
Then we get to Brooke. And look, she's been the frontrunner the entire season for good reason: Cummins seems absolutely smitten with the 23-year-old, and she with him.
In the hometown dates last week, Brooke told Cummins she was falling for him – she was the first woman (aside from Cass, of course) to tell him as much and at this point, her future with Cummins seems almost like a sure thing.
For their date, Cummins has arranged something super sensual for them to do – and it's miles ahead of the other two dates in terms of intimacy and closeness.
Sitting facing each other and dressed only in their smalls, the couple has to paint pictures on each other's bare bodies in such a way that when they sit together their paintings will form one bigger picture.
Things got mighty steamy on Brooke and Cummins’ date.
It's fun, romantic and sexy (that's no mean feat) and no lie, Cummins legitimately looks like he falls in love with Brooke right then and there.
Later, as they wash the paint off their bodies under the outdoor shower, they kiss in a way that makes us wish for a shower curtain for the first time in our lives.
It's cute. She could definitely win.
But then, when the pair of them are sitting on the couch enjoying a drink later on, Brooke asks Cummins for some sort of reassurance that he sees a future with her. Just a little indication! Just a teeny-weeny little signal.
Of course, he can't give it to her. He tells her as much, and then rubs salt in the wound by admitting that he has feelings for all three women.
Brooke starts to cry, and it's at this point that we'd like to give Cummins a swift kick up the backside and tell him to give the girl a nudge, a wink, anything, to let her know he has feelings for her.
Brooke asked Cummins for reassurance of his feelings, but he couldn’t give it to her.
The fact that he does none of that speaks volumes – but it's difficult to tell if it's for suspenseful TV purposes, or because he simply doesn't know how he feels.
When we finally get to the rose ceremony, it's incredibly difficult to pinpoint which woman Cummins might let go of. For the first time in years, it truly feels like all three women have an almost equal chance of winning the Bachelor's heart.
It's nearly impossible to pick… but luckily for us, and unluckily for Cummins, we don't have to wonder for long.
Without a word of warning, and before Cummins has arrived at the rose ceremony room, Brooke walks out. Finding Cummins, she pulls him aside for a chat and judging by his face, you know that he knows his time is up.
Brooke left the rose ceremony room without a word to fellow bachelorettes Brittany and Sophie.
Brooke tells the Bachelor that she needs reassurance from him and that she knows he can't give it to her – and then makes it clear that that's not good enough for her at this point in time.
She tells him she wants to leave, and Cummins looks like he's taken a punch to the gut.
But, tellingly, he doesn't ask her to stay. Instead, he tells her he won't stop her from doing what makes her happy, and then offers to walk her to the car.
"I need a guy who knows what he wants, and can tell me that that’s me," Brooke tells the camera before she departs.
Cummins clearly didn’t see Brooke’s departure coming.
Meanwhile, Cummins stands on the driveway as he watches Brooke's car leaves and for the first time this season, he looks completely rattled. "My heart’s breaking because she means so much to me but I just can’t give her what she wants right now," he tells the camera.
Whether that's because he doesn't have feelings for her, or if it's because he's contractually obliged to keep his feelings a secret until the finale, we might never know. We might also never know which of the three women he was about to eliminate.
All we do know is that Brooke and the Badgie had something good there, and he let it go – so let's just hope what he's got with Sophie or Brittany is better.
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