Lisa Appleton is back to give her tips and tricks to Daily Star Online readers to help them spice up their sex lives.
Last week, Lisa was dishing out advice to someone whose other half had given them a sex toy challenge.
Lisa thought it was a step too far for the woman to put a phone-controlled vibrator in her knickers, although she did think it sounded fun!
This week, she's dishing out tips to a woman who's apprehensive about her boyfriend introducing sex toys to the bedroom, as she's worried it will hurt.
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Lisa Appleton Sex Doctor: 'Fella set me a sex toy challenge to complete at work'
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Lisa Appleton Sex Doctor: 'Girlfriend wants us to become a throuple'
'Fella wants to introduce sex toys but I’m scared it'll hurt'
Dear Lisa,
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over seven years now.
It’s been great (or it has been as far as I thought) until he sat me down for a ‘chat’ the other week.
I thought it was going to be a proposal-turns out it was a conversation about spicing up our sex life. My boyfriend dropped the bombshell that before he and I got together he’d been quite into BDSM and he said that while he still enjoys our sex life, he thinks it’s missing a bit of excitement and this could be the answer.
He said he’d like to try being the dominant one and suggested we get some shackles and whips for the bedroom.
Which sounded a bit terrifying to be honest.
As I said Lisa, I thought everything was peachy, so I was completely shocked. I want to make my boyfriend happy though, but I’m really scared all of this whipping stuff will hurt.
How do we reach a compromise that makes both of us happy?
Anonymous
Lisa says:
I'm shocked just after reading that so no wonder you're shocked. The thing is, when you are in a state of shock, you can't make any instant judgement.
You've had this healthy, steady relationship, and you thought in your head, this is going somewhere to a proposal and the bombshell is, he's trying to spice your sex life up.
And that's going to make you feel a bit fed up, as you were expecting a proposal.
But the bombshell is, it's BDSM and whipping and all of that and it sounds like torture doesn't it. That's a capital punishment in some places isn't it, whipping?
It's a frightening thing. Anybody who has never done anything like that, would feel petrified.
But he obviously loves you, and I praise him for the courage he's had to open up to you because that might of been quite hard for him if he's previously done that.
So do praise him for opening up like that, but say, this is a bit new to me, as my previous life wasn't like that and I haven't done that, but I'm not judging.
The thing is it's scary, but if you want to compromise, every now and then, you could just do it every now and then you could just do a little bit of BDSM.
So maybe just a little spank.
So just say occasionally we can do it but nothing too over-the-top – a bit of a spank and see how you go.
Because if you just keep it as it is after he's opened up to you, he might feel a bit embarrassed that you've rejected him and that he's opened up to you.
Don't make a joke out of it, but keep it quite light-hearted. Tell him you did think he was proposing, so it has come as a bit of a shock and you need some time to think about it, but that you are up for spicing up your love lives, as long as it doesn't go too far.
Failing that if it's something you don't feel like doing – this could be a turn-off for some people – it could turn you off him, if you don't mind me saying, you might sort of think what else isn't he telling me and how far could he go?
Just soft-peddle and it take your time, don't just jump at the chance to please it if you're not sure and see how you get on.
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