My partner is determined to spend Christmas with our “swinger” mates but I’m done with our grubby love life.
I crave a fresh start. I’m no longer impressed by edgy sex, anything-goes-parties or orgies.
I don’t wish to make love with multiple partners in a single night or watch my partner knock herself out with a bunch of sex-crazed orgasm addicts.
When did life become so complicated? She and I have been “playing” with a group of people for a couple of years now.
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'My new girlfriend is sex on legs – but comes with teen kids and stalker exes'
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'My boyfriend wants to spend Christmas with me – but so does my lesbian lover'
I’m not denying that things were exciting and fun in the early days.
Our relationship needed a kick-start and pushing back the boundaries was great.
From hedonistic holidays to wild weekends in the country, we’ve done the lot.
I’ve swigged fizz in more hot tubs and swung from more chandeliers than I ever imagined possible.
But now enough is enough. A recent experience in a particularly dank dungeon with a terrifying dominatrix has left me anxious and scared.
I literally had a lightbulb moment as she started to attach clamps to my nipples. I ran for my life.
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'My boyfriend gets beaten whenever he's not with me – and it's such a turn off'
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'Mum wore a white dress and called my brother's wife a gold digger at the altar'
My partner was furious as she was just gearing up for a foursome, which was going to be filmed for the internet.
Now the thought of spending my Christmas Day with a group of people who blow up condoms like balloons and give each other vibrator gift sets literally turns my stomach.
They’re not bad folk, they’re simply not my folk anymore.
Sadly my partner doesn’t get that and accuses me of losing my bottle and becoming boring.
She’s already organising a big bash here and says that if I don’t join in, then I can find myself somewhere else to go, which I think is childish and unfair.
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'My girl's lover and I take turns to sleep with her – but I want her to myself'
JANE SAYS: Your partner can’t cut you off without further discussion. Insist on a proper chat about this.
Situations change. You’re allowed to experience doubts and a change of heart.
Clearly you both thought you could handle swinging and orgies.
But bringing other people into your private world has come at a cost and hasn’t made you happy.
If anything, these extreme experiences have bought you down and made you reassess everything that’s important and true.
Would a monogamous relationship be such a problem for her?
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'Girlfriend swigs from gin bottles at 8am – she's cleared out our bank accounts'
Could you compromise by agreeing to one, last Christmas with these friends before a total rethink in the New Year?
Keep up the conversation and see where it takes you.
If you’re adamant that everything has to change now – and she’s not on board with that – then you will obviously have to spend Christmas somewhere else.
It’s sad if this is the end, but you can’t fake it and pretend to be something you’re not.
You have to remember to stay true to yourself.
- Christmas
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