Disney movies may be all about the fairytale endings, but we live in the real world were heartbreak is a lot more likely than happily ever after. Mostly, we end up kissing frogs that stay frogs — or maybe it’s just that we don’t have the right connection to (metaphorically) break the magic amphibian curse. The point is, it’s actually more important to find the person who is perfect for you rather than the perfect person. Which is why these could actually be the Disney Prince that would break your heart in real life.
So, which prince should you avoid? Honestly, most of them. There is some seriously sketchy gender politics with a lot of these animated dudes, but let’s set that aside for now and just have a little thought experiment fun. Because some would of these princes would definitely make worse matches for you than others. With some, the relationship would fizzle because you want different things in life. For others, they would blow up in epic toxic fashion because you are fundamentally incompatible. So, let’s just imagine that if tomorrow you somehow got swept off into a magical world where dating animated royalty was an actual possibility, here are the princes you should steer well clear of, based on your zodiac… unless you really want your heart broken.
ARIES (MARCH 21 TO APRIL 19): PRINCE CHARMING FROM ‘CINDERELLA’
For adventure-loving, thrill-seeking, and fiercely independent Aries, you couldn’t pick a worse partner than Prince Charming. Sure, he’s handsome, rocks some sweet tasseled epaulets, and gets along well with your fairy godmothers, but dude is just way too traditional for you. This is a guy who says he likes how bold you are but really he just expects you to be home making him some dinner — and some heirs.
TAURUS (APRIL 20 TO MAY 20): LI SHANG FROM ‘MULAN’
Taurus would no doubt be drawn to Li Shang. After all, dude is hot and knows how to make a man bun work, but this pairing is a recipe for heartbreak and disaster. For Taurus, security and a sense of home is essential to their happiness, and having a partner that just goes off fighting the Huns all the time would leave them lonely and sad. And if they decided to tag along just to be close to their prince, they’d have to rough it in a tent. Yeah, luxury loving Taurus wants no part of that.
GEMINI (MAY 21 TO JUNE 20): PRINCE ERIC FROM ‘THE LITTLE MERMAID’
OK, I get it we all want Prince Eric. He’s so ruggedly handsome. However, looks can only take you so far when you are fundamentally incompatible like Gemini and Eric would be. Eric is an old-school romantic who just can’t wait to find the “right” woman. Sure, all that wistfulness seems appealing — until the smothering begins. Gemini will not be caged; they want to be social, talk to everyone, and have some balance of home and social life. Eric is the dude that starts off sweet but then sulks in the corner whenever you talk to someone else.
CANCER (JUNE 21 TO JULY 22): STAR-LORD, AKA PETER QUILL, FROM ‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’
Peter Quill is basically Cancer’s worst nightmare. Sure, he’s all swagger and charm, but his unpredictability and innate selfishness is exactly what Cancer worries all men are like. He may be able to woo Cancer long enough to get them to drop their shell, but the minute that happens this unreliable Disney prince will stab Cancer right where it hurts the most: Their emotional vulnerability.
LEO (JULY 23 TO AUG. 22): HERCULES FROM ‘HERCULES’
If you want to love Leo and make them truly happy, the first step is to accept that they going to be the star of the relationship. This lion has pride, afterall. So, dating a demigod that literally glows and sparkles like Hercules is going to create a friction and misery for Leo, who will feel like their light is dimmed by the relationship.
VIRGO (AUG 23 TO SEPT. 22): PRINCE EDWARD FROM ‘ENCHANTED’
Virgo wants no part of Prince Edward, so honestly this relationship would be over before it started. Grounded and practical Virgo would be totally put off by the flighty, unrealistic, and unpredictable Prince Edward. Plus, his complete inability to read the room would be met with a heavy and scathing dose of judgment from highly critical Virgo.
LIBRA (SEPT. 23 TO OCT. 22): KRISTOFF FROM ‘FROZEN’
Libra is an optimistic and social sign who needs to be able to express themselves and keep it positive. At first they may see grumpy, quiet, isolated Kristoff as a project and try to win him over with their wit and by lavishing them with love, but ultimately we are who we are and Libra’s heart would be crushed by his moodiness and pessimism.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 TO NOV. 21): PRINCE NAVEEN FROM ‘THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG’
In the case of Prince Naveen and Scorpio, it’s a problem of two big personalities clashing. While the sex would probably be fire, especially after Naveen learns that it’s better to give than receive, the reality is outside of the bedroom is that these two hard-headed characters would clash and fight and grow increasingly toxic. To be fair, that make up sex along the way just might make the inevitable heartbreak worth it.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 TO DEC. 21): BEAST, AKA PRINCE ADAM, FROM ‘BEAUTY AND THE BEAST’
Sagittarius is the most free-spirited of all the zodiac and their worst fear is to be caged. So, Beast’s insistence that Sag stay trapped in a castle would not just crush their heart, but their spirit as well. This is probably the most incompatible pairing of them all. Now, if Sagittarius was to get with Lumiere, well, that’s a different story…
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 TO JAN. 19): ALADDIN FROM ‘ALADDIN’
There is no doubt that Capricorn would appreciate Aladdin’s ability to rise all the way from street rat to sultan practically overnight, but they would ultimately be turned off and disdainful about how he achieved it. Sure, success is hot and worthy of pursuing, but it takes hard work and perseverance — and maybe a touch of luck. But to just “wish” yourself successful… that’s just the kind of nonsense Cap has no time for.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 TO FEB. 18): PRINCE PHILLIP FROM ‘SLEEPING BEAUTY’
While Aquarius would be grateful to Prince Phillip for kissing them and breaking the curse, the first thing this freedom-loving sign would crave is to get back out there and pursue their own adventures. This independent sign is a self-rescuing princess, and Phillip’s old-school ideas about love and gender roles would just be far too confining for Aquarius.
PISCES (FEB. 19 TO MARCH 20): FLYNN RIDER, AKA EUGENE, FROM ‘TANGLED’
Pisces would be very attracted to Flynn Rider’s roguish charm — they do have a tendency to be drawn to the bad boys, after all. But this would ultimately be another lesson in heartbreak when this dreamy and idealistic sign eventually has to accept that this prince cannot live up to their fantasy standards. You may try and “fix” him for a while, after all you just see so much potential in him if he just applied himself. But ultimately it would all end in tears.
Listen, we’ve all tried to turn a frog or two into a prince charming, but sometimes you just have to accept that this time your prince is another castle.
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