My husband quit his job and says I have to support him financially

My husband quit his job and says I have to support him financially – I’m furious but some people say I need to be more supportive

  • Anonymous woman, thought to be UK-based, sparked Mumsnet conversation
  • She revealed her husband quit his job, she’s angry about having to support him
  • READ MORE: I’m full of regret at ever having children because I miss my old life so much – why didn’t someone warn me not to do it? 

A woman has revealed that her husband has left her in a tricky position by quitting his job unexpectedly – and expecting her to support him financially while he seeks new employment.

The anonymous poster, who is believed to be UK-based, took to parenting forum Mumsnet to discuss her predicament.

And while the majority of respondents appeared to agree with her, some suggested that she should be more supportive, as her husband may have quit his job as a result of reaching breaking point.

The post was titled [Am I being unreasonable] to be fuming that DH [darling husband] has quit his job without another job to go to.’

It said: ‘He’s just told me this evening that he handed in his notice yesterday, his sole reason being that his department (he’s the head of department) is going to have a flat budget for the next 3 years. 

‘He’s saying he wants me to “support” (basically pay for everything and all the bills) him financially until he finds a “similar job”, it could be years until he finds a similar job as jobs like the one he was in don’t come about often. 

‘I’m absolutely furious but DH doesn’t seem to understand why even though I’ve explained it to him. I don’t think a flat budget is an acceptable reason for him to quit with no other job to go to and then to only tell me 24 hours later.’

Many respondents were highly supportive of the poster, and agreed that the situation was serious.

One wrote: ‘My dad did this. It’s not a good sign. I would expect him to get a job asap or I would seriously reconsider my future with him. 

‘If he doesn’t seem to register the seriousness I’d see a solicitor sooner rather than later, you may be better to split now then after he’s long term unemployed. Hopefully it won’t come to that.’

Another agreed, adding: ‘He needs to be employed in any job he can find while he hunts for a career job. Something that involves weekend or shift work so he is still free for interviews.

‘And you have every right to fume. Financial decisions are a joint decision.’

An anonymous woman has revealed that her husband quit his job without warning – before asking her to support him financially until he finds an equivalent position

Many respondents were extremely sympathetic with the poster, and felt that the husband was being unfair in how he was behaving

And a third wrote: ‘Set a deadline for him earning something. He can be in a warehouse or pub job, or cleaning by the end of next week. I’d give him to the end of the month.

‘I hope you don’t have a joint account. He is taking the mick.’

Meanwhile, many other forum users were suspicious that the husband may have been fired, rather than quitting, or had been forced to quit to avoid being told to leave.

One wrote: ‘Or could have been he was about to get fired so got ahead with a resignation. This happens ALOT – something happens in work, they know its a sackable offence, so they quickly resign with no discussion to avoid issues with references.

‘I often wonder what those people go home and tell their spouses….. it usually happens fast.’

A significant number of respondents were suspicious about what had actually happened, suggesting that the man may have been fired, rather than choosing to quit

And another added: ‘He’s been fired would be my guess. That’s why so sudden and why he told you after the fact.’

A further Mumsnetter said: ‘Likely he’s been fired or forced to resign as an alternative to being fired.

‘He’d get a week’s grace from me. Jobs are everywhere at the moment, and if he wasn’t in a supermarket, factory or delivering Amazon parcels (or waiting on the vetting process for one of the above) by next Monday he’d be out the door. 

‘No way would I be supporting him waiting for his dream job.’

However, some forum users were more sympathetic about the husband’s position, suggesting that circumstances may have brought him to breaking point.

While the majority of forum users agreed with the poster that her husband was behaving unreasonably, others suggested that she should be more sympathetic

One wrote: ‘I’ve known people quit on the spot. It’s never for a “sole reason” as a ou have described. It’s almost always a multitude of reasons and a final straw.

‘You should communicate deeply with your oh. He may be feeling worried but free. A conflicting set of emotions that lead people to act erratically.

‘Support him mentally. Financially… discuss realistic practical options as you can.

‘If people quit on the spot, they are already at breaking point. Help de-escalate them so they feel safe to say how feel.’   

Another added: ‘I wouldn’t have discussed it prior with you either if I thought you’d try and force me to stay in a job I was unhappy in and dictate my career choices. He’s now made his decision as he is entitled to and you need to accept that, you don’t however have to financially support him that’s his problem.’

Meanwhile a third simply asked: ‘Has he previously talked about being unhappy in the job? How is his mood generally?’

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