DEAR DEIDRE: THE day after I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he announced he was bisexual.
I don’t understand why he waited till we were having a baby to tell me something so important, and now I’m worried he might be gay.
We’ve been a couple for five years. I’m 29 and he’s 34.
When we got together, we talked about past relationships. He listed several women, but didn’t mention that he’d ever been with a man or been attracted to one.
He was the one who pushed for us to live together, talked about marriage and wanted to start trying for a baby. I got pregnant quickly and I was so excited to tell him.
At first, he acted like he was happy but afterwards he seemed subdued. The next day, he dropped the bombshell that he’s bi.
I don’t have a problem with that. What hurts me is that he has kept it to himself.
I wanted this to be a special time. Instead, I’m worrying about why he didn’t tell me the truth. I feel I don’t know him at all.
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DEIDRE SAYS: His timing couldn’t have been worse. But please be reassured that the fact he is bi doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to go off with a man at any moment.
Just as any committed heterosexual male isn’t necessarily going to cheat with every other woman.
Perhaps he feels the baby has cemented your relationship, so he’s finally brave enough to tell the truth. Or maybe the baby news has scared him and he’s wobbling.
There are many reasons why he could have mentioned it now. Either way, you need to talk frankly and decide how to move forward. This isn’t just about you and him any more.
Ask him to be honest with you.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relation-ship, has tips on how to communicate effectively. And read my Bisexual Questions pack, which has links to support organisations.
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