Mel B is getting “Brutally Honest” about a series of topics in her memoir out Tuesday.
In addition to writing of a 2014 suicide attempt when she ingested numerous pills, the Spice Girl whose real name is Melanie Brown remembers her dark days of turning to cocaine as a means to escape, as well as the brighter days of a blissful love affair.
Brown says that once while filming “X Factor” she had plummeted “so low” she’d “started using cocaine to get me through the run of show, to get me through living with (ex-husband Stephen Belafonte), which felt like neurotic claustrophobia… On so many levels, I felt myself sinking.”
Brown filed for divorce from Belafonte, with whom she shares one child, in March 2017 and was later granted a temporary restraining order after she alleged he abused her.
While her drug use did not make her “proud,” Brown writes it helped “to have a line of that white powder when I got up in the morning.” The benefits as she saw them? “It can blur the voices around you, it can keep you in your own world, or it can keep you moving.”
“I didn’t want all the crap in my life to get in the way of the job I wanted to do, and knew, I was doing really well,” she writes. For Brown, her “quick fix answer was cocaine.
“It took me less than a minute to get my hands on a regular supply – such is the power of celebrity,” she states in her book. “I started using a couple of lines before I went into work.”
Brown describes her “routine” for readers.
“I’d wake up in the morning and snort two lines. Then I would pray: ‘God, I’m sorry for taking cocaine, but please, God, help me get through this day.’ I was ashamed of what I was doing, but I felt I had to have it.”
She estimates “I was probably taking five or six lines a day before and after work,” and says she could feel the negative effects of the drug. “The cocaine only made my depression worse, and I was permanently anxious and on edge.”
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