I’ve become isolated from my dad thanks to his demanding fiancée

Dear Coleen

I’m an 18-year-old girl and in my first year at university. I live with my dad, my 16-year-old sister and my dad’s girlfriend plus her two kids, who are six and eight.

The situation at home has become unbearable in recent months and I keep wishing I’d chosen to go to uni in a different city.

My dad and his partner are getting married in the summer after two years together, and she seems to be using it as an excuse to throw her weight around and make demands.

She’s never been that interested in me or my sister – it’s all about her own children – and I think deep down she wishes we’d both just leave home!

We’re never properly considered in any plans they make – her kids always come first.

I have tried to appeal to my dad, but he doesn’t take me seriously and just wants to keep his girlfriend onside.

I’m out most of the time which means I don’t have to put up with her and her wedding plans, but I miss spending time with my dad. Have you any ideas?

Coleen says

Blended families are very tricky and it really does take time for things to bed in and for everyone to find their place in the family.

I had two young boys when I met my second husband, Ray, and it took at least two years for us all to get used to our new family.

Your dad has a lot going on right now – two young children at home and a wedding to plan.

And perhaps because you’re older and uni is keeping you busy, your dad assumes you’re fine.

So I think you may have to spell out how you’re feeling – a bit neglected, a bit left out and that you’re missing time on your own with him.

Invite him out for a drink or a coffee and talk to him without everyone else at home milling around.

And don’t be angry or confrontational – just speak from your heart.

Be honest – are you being a little moody and disinterested in his girlfriend?

Are you being a little envious? I know it’s a difficult situation, but you must remember that your dad is entitled to create a nice life for himself and this woman makes him happy.

I think it’s all about finding a balance, being honest with each other and finding compromises.

I wonder if there’s anything you can bond with your dad’s fiancée over – could you show an interest in the wedding or offer to help with the preparations?

It can feel really good to be the bigger person and it might lead to a breakthrough.

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