Inside the conservative Christian self-help book Justin Bieber is using to navigate his relationship with Hailey Baldwin – which suggests wives should submit to their husbands and warns against sex before marriage
- Justin was seen carrying a copy of The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God
- It was written by pastor Timothy Keller, who founded Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City in 1989
- The book outlines marriage as it is explained in the bible and cites St. Paul’s passage on marriage in Ephesians 5 in particular
- Among other things, it defines marriage as being between a man and a woman, warns against premarital sex, and discusses wives submitting to their husbands
- Keller also writes that the Bible’s view on marriage is that it should be monogamous and heterosexual
Days after Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin were captured crying together in public this week, the Baby singer revealed that he was seeking relationship guidance from a self-help book.
He was seen carrying around a copy of The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, a book by Presbyterian pastor Timothy Keller.
The book is currently a #1 Best Seller in the ‘Christian Counseling’ category on Amazon, with thousands of wildly-positive reviews to its name — but what, exactly, is the star learning from it?
The book: Justin Bieber is consulting a self-help book about relationships called The Meaning of Marriage after his emotional scenes with Hailey Baldwin on Tuesday
Help: Justin and Hailey – who dated briefly in 2016 – got engaged in July after a whirlwind romance, but he has been seeking religious guidance for their relationship
‘You got good days and you got bad days,’ the 24-year-old told TMZ on Wednesday, while brandishing the book, noting: ‘It’s not real if it doesn’t have any bad days.’
Published in 2011, Keller’s book discusses the author’s vision of what marriage should be, ‘according to the Bible’ — and is aimed at ‘Christians, skeptics, singles, longtime married couples, and those about to be engaged’.
Among other things, the tome defines marriage as being between a man and a woman, warns against sex before marriage, and discusses wives submitting to their husbands.
Keller’s vision of marriage is based in Scripture, and ‘points us back to the relationship between God and man’.
‘The result is a vision for marriage that is refreshingly frank and unsentimental, yet hopeful and beautiful,’ says the author’s website.
Keller worked with his wife of 44 years, Kathy, who added her own insights and opinions to the book – which is based on a series of sermons the pastor made years before its publication.
In addition to discussing the relationship between a married couple, and their bond with God, the New York Times bestselling author also sets out to explain why marriage has lost its meaning and become so temporary in today’s society.
‘Modern culture would have you believe that everyone has a soul mate; that romance is the most important part of a successful marriage; that your spouse is there to help you realize your potential; that marriage does not mean forever, but merely for now; and that starting over after a divorce is the best solution to seemingly intractable marriage issues. But these modern-day assumptions are wrong,’ reads the book’s wordy description.
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The teacher: Author Timothy Keller premises his book on St. Paul’s passage on marriage in Ephesians and in it discusses his vision of what marriage should be ‘according to the Bible’
Long time: Her wrote it with the help of his wife Kathy, to whom he has been married for 44 years
‘The Meaning of Marriage offers instruction on how to have a successful marriage, and is essential reading for anyone who wants to know God and love more deeply in this life.’
The book is premised on St. Paul’s passage on marriage in Ephesians 5.
Key points in The Meaning of Marriage
- Marriage is monogamous and heterosexual
- Couples should not engage in sex before marriage
- Wives should submit to their husbands
- Men and women take on different roles in a marriage
- Before marriage, men and women should avoid becoming physically intimate too soon in a relationship
- Christians should also avoid becoming involved with non-believers
First, it assumes the Bible’s teaching that marriage is monogamous and heterosexual.
‘It needs to be said … that this Christian vision for marriage is not something that can be realized by two people of the same sex,’ the book explains.
‘That is the unanimous view of the Biblical authors, and therefore that is the view that we assume throughout the rest of this book, even though we don’t directly address the subject of homosexuality.’
On his blog, Keller elaborated: ‘The Bible’s prohibitions are not motivated by animosity toward people with same sex attraction. Rather, they are there because homosexual practice doesn’t fit with God’s wonderful purposeful design for sexuality in our lives.
‘Even the design of male and female bodies testifies to this design.’
Over the course of eight chapters, the book explores how God created marriage, which was meant to be a reflection of the ‘saving love’ of God.
According to the Gospel Coalition, it says that a man and a woman in a marriage need ‘the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives,’ which will help then from being sinful and self-centered. Marriage, it asserts, is meant to help two people in their spiritual journey.
God: Among other things, the couple defines marriage as being between a man and a woman, warn against premarital sex, and discuss wives submitting to their husbands
Church: He started Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City in 1989
It explores what, exactly, ‘love’ is, taking on both romantic passion and ‘covenantal commitment’.
Beyond just laying out marriage’s origins and purpose, though, it provides practical advice. The book gives basic skills for marriage, and advises single people on marrying.
For those still dating, it recommends not letting things get too passionate too quickly, getting lots of community input, and not getting involved with a non-believing person.
It also addresses sex and why it should only be for marriage.
‘The purpose of sex and marriage is the reunion of the complementary but separate genders,’ Keller wrote on his blog.
‘Men and women each have distinct glories and we need one another. Marriage is the primary (though not only) place where those glories are blended and we are profoundly enriched.’
One chapter in the book, written by Keller’s wife, is about the different roles men and women play in marriage.
According to The Gospel Coalition, it discusses the Christian teaching that marriage is a place ‘where the two sexes accept each other as differently gendered and learn and grow through it’.
Keller and his wife seem to believe that men and women are fundamentally different, and take on different responsibilities in a partnership.
It’s unclear how well that particular passage resonates with Hailey Baldwin. While the model hasn’t spoken out about feminism, she does count several feminist among her friends.
She has also said in the past that she disagreed with her father, Stephen Baldwin, who was a Trump supporter.
Happier mood: The 24-year-old pop icon told TMZ as he left Hailey’s apartment building: ‘It’s not real if it doesn’t have any bad days’
As for the author, Keller’s expertise comes from years as a pastor. After growing up in Pennsylvania, the 67-year-old attended Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and Westminster Theological Seminary before starting work as a pastor.
He started Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City in 1989, and the church now has nearly 6,000 regular Sunday attendees.
He is Chairman & Co-Founder of Redeemer City to City, an organization that starts new churches in cities around the world.
He also publishes ‘resources for ministry in an urban environment,’ according to his website, as well as other books, including The Reason for God and The Prodigal God.
He and Kathy live on New York City’s Roosevelt Island and have three sons, David, Michael and Jonathan.
According to a 2006 New York Times piece, Keller does not consider himself an evangelical because of the political connotations. A conservative Protestant, he prefers the term ‘orthodox’.
While his books have all found popularity, Bieber’s choice has a solid five-star review on Amazon, including several from other religious leaders.
Father Charles Erlandson from Tyler, Texas wrote: ‘There are many profound insights in the book.’
According to his review, one of the insights learned in the chapters include that you ‘never marry the right person. No two people are compatible. For this reason, marriage takes a lot of love and work. Also, marriage profoundly changes us!’
Dr. David P. Craig, an Evangelical Pastor from San Rafael, California, wrote: ‘Dr. Keller knows what he’s talking about and has done an outstanding job of building a great case for marriage in a culture that simply doesn’t understand it and hasn’t been consulting the Creator’s manual and applying it in our marriages.’
Biblical quotes that Timothy Keller cites in his book
Keller’s book, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, cites several passages from the bible to make the author’s arguments about marriage.
Early on, he quotes Ephesians 5:18-33.
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'[b] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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