DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having fantastic sex with an older woman but I worry the age gap is too big for it to work.
What would other people think?
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I am a guy of 25 and she is a 42-year-old single mum. She has two sons, aged 19 and 17.
We have been together for six months and get on so well. I am a courier and regularly make drops at her workplace.
We didn’t say much to one another to start with — just work stuff — though I thought she was stunning from the off.
She is sophisticated, beautiful and I reckoned she was out of my league.But I could tell she liked me too, so eventually I plucked up the courage to ask her out.
At first she was reluctant, saying the age gap was too much and she was worried she would regret it later. But eventually I talked her round.
We arranged to go out for dinner to a pub we both know and that evening I could feel an electric chemistry between us. She invited me back to her place and we had sex. It was so special — perfect.
We had her house to ourselves, as her sons, who live with her, were at their dad’s for the weekend.
We discovered we had loads in common and agreed we are in a relationship — but so far, it’s our secret.
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EVEN now, women often lack confidence about turning a man on or making the first move.
My e-leaflet How To Thrill A Man In Bed explains approachable tactics.
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We are head over heels in love and everything is just perfect.
We have talked of a future together when things get back to normal.
I am not keen to have kids of my own and she doesn’t want any more, so that’s not a problem.
I hope other people will accept our relationship.
We have talked about meeting each other’s families, though I’ve yet to meet her boys.
We’ve had to put things on hold during the lockdown but I must admit I do worry what other people are going to say about us if we start being open about our relationship. Do you think the age gap is too big? Does it look weird?
DEIDRE SAYS: Many relationships with a large age gap do last.
It is more usual for the man to be the older partner but neither of you wants to have children, so you face no extra pressure there.
That said, you are young and might yet change your mind about having a family.
My e-leaflet Age Gaps – Do They Matter? will help you think it through.
You might run into opposition from her sons when they learn about your relationship.
Many young people find it difficult to accept a parent having a new partner.
Suggest your lover start telling her sons about you – but emphasising you are her partner and hope to be their friend, not a replacement or rival dad.
She can get help to find the right words through Family Lives (family lives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).
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