A dad who was filmed with his partner as she gave birth to their stillborn child has spoken about how he struggled to cope with the trauma of the loss.
Bruce Wagstaff’s partner Vicki Beckett was 26 weeks pregnant with their daughter Ruby when the unborn baby’s heart stopped.
Heartbroken the 30-year-olds were sent home from the hospital and told to return the next day so Vicki could be induced and give birth to the baby.
A TV documentary team making a programme about still birth were in the hospital and Vicki and Bruce agreed to let them film the birth.
The result is heartbreaking footage showing tearful Bruce and his partner delivering Ruby which will screen on TV tonight.
Bruce told the Mirror: "It was a Monday morning and we went in for scan but the midwife couldn’t find the heartbeat.
"She called in a colleague for a second opinion but I could tell by her face it wasn’t good.
"In 30 seconds my life changed forever."
Tonight Channel 4 viewers will see Bruce after seeing his wife go through 12 hours of labour unable to bring himself to cut the umbilical cord – which had planned to do had she lived.
He said: "It was a blur.
"We went home and then realised we had to call people and in may ways that’s the hardest point.
"You hear a voice and don’t know what to say, I just said ‘she’s gone, Ruby’s gone’.
"It was massive shock.
"When it came to cut the cord, I couldn’t do it, I wanted to run out of the room.
"I just broke down, Vicki was so strong."
However he did hold his baby adding: "For 30 seconds I held her and it felt like she was really there."
Following the birth Bruce struggled to be around his partner.
He said: "I couldn’t face it.
"Her boobs were hurting because her body was producing milk but there was no baby to drink it.
"Her arms were aching because her body was telling her to hold her child.
"People forget a woman’s body has spent nine months preparing for birth, it doesn’t just stop."
After the birth it wasn’t long before the grief became impossible for Bruce to bear, he explained: "I thought I was a strong man and could deal with but I couldn’t
"I wanted to get back to normal as soon as I could and couldn’t be around Vicki who was grieving more openly.
"After ten days we started to go our separate ways and then I went to see a counsellor which I am so glad I did."
Bruce said: "I went to see my brother in Spain and was just walking down the street when the anxiety hit me and I thought I was having a heart attack.
"It was the grief. I was so naive."
Happily the couple reconciled and along with two other couples feature in Child of Mine on Channel 4.
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Niall Cassidy and his wife Fiona are shown going through the finals weeks of their third pregnancy 18month after they had a stillbirth at 41 weeks.
The couple had gone for a scan which hadn’t concerned medics but within 24 hours their baby – who they named Matilda – was dead.
He said: "When Matilda was born was born we leaned on our families for support.
"It was hard when I went back to work it was hard to brooch with colleagues who knew we were expecting.
"We decided we would have counselling and I recommend it.
"We were told it’s fine to have days when you are tearful and don’t want to get out of bed and other days when you feel normal."
In the documentary Niall and Fiona opt to have their second child at 35 weeks after doctors grow concerned the placenta – the life support system for the baby – is deteriorating.
The men told the Daily Mirror’s First Time Dads podcast they choose to share their stories in the hope it will help other parents going through similar experiences.
The documentary also features the story of Kezia and Chris Kerr who were due to have twins but discover during scan one has died.
The film shows Kezia taking the pregnancy to full-term and delivering both the health twin Joshua and his sister Grace who died.
Child Of Mine is on Channel 4 tonight at 10pm.
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