‘What kind of misogynistic drivel is this?’ Author of controversial dating book The Rules is bashed by viewers as they brand her views on romance ‘outdated’
- New Yorker Sherrie Schneider do-wrote dating handbook The Rules in 1995
- READ MORE: Ultimate guide to spotting fake people made by AI on dating sites
Nearly 30 years after the controversial dating handbook The Rules was published, its co-author has come under fire for saying that men still need to pursue women.
New York authors Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein penned the handbook in 1995, where they listed guidance that women should follow to find husbands.
Now Sherrie and Ellen have released an updated version of The Rules for 2023, doubling down on their message that women should be pursued by men, and not the other way around.
Promoting the book on This Morning today, Sherrie, speaking from the Big Apple, told Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby that women are ‘fed lies’ about being independent, and that their husband’s happiness should be a priority.
Her controversial views of dating – including the fact men are biologically programmed to like extreme sports like bungee-jumping, while women hate them – were slammed by viewers, who branded them ‘misogynistic drivel.’
New York authors Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein penned the controversial dating handbook The Rules in 1995 and are releasing an updated version for 2023
Her controversial views of dating were slammed by viewers, who branded them ‘misogynistic drivel’
Sherrie recounted how she and Ellen came up with the idea for the dating handbook.
‘We were like sociologists in New York City, this was before Sex and the City. We noticed that women who chased men or were too available were dumped and the hard-to-get got husbands,’ she said.
She acknowledged that the original book, which was published in the 1990s, was criticised for not being feminist.
‘Well some people said that it wasn’t feminist. We believe feminism is about equal pay for equal work, it has nothing to do with dating. Dating is completely biological, men love a challenge, they need to pursue, you need to be hard to get.’ she added.
And the dating author said she believes the rules that she and her co-author listed in 1995 are just as relevant in 2013 as they were in 1995.
‘The only thing that’s changed is technology. Now we can message men, and friend them, follow them on Instagram. There are new ways to break rules,’ she said.
‘But the biology has not changed, we still need to be pursued or it doesn’t work,’ she said.
She claimed that social media has removed some of the mystery that is needed when courting.
Promoting the book on This Morning today, Sherrie, speaking from the Big Apple, told Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby that women are ‘fed lies’ about being independent, and that their husband’s happiness should be a priority
‘Everything is out there, everything is transparent, everybody is an open book, there is no mystery. And courtship, dating depends on mystery,’ she said.
‘A man shouldn’t know everything about you, women aren’t going on dates and spilling their guts for 7h or chatting online for hours until the middle of the night.
‘There is no mystery, the man gets bored and moves on to another woman,’ she added.
She said that one of the cardinal rules of the book is that the men should pay during dates.
‘If he wants you to pay, he doesn’t like you, not romantically, he doesn’t like you,’ she said.
When Phil and Holly countered that some men would want to offer for the women to pay out of respect, she said: ‘If they are thinking about the bills or about respect, he’s not thinking about you in a romantic way.
This Morning viewers said that Sherries’ views were misogynistic’ and belonged in 1936. Others said Sherrie needed to get with the ‘real world’
‘This is why we had to write the handbook: women are being fed lies, bad advice telling them to call men, pursue them, pay, travel, it’s all bogus. It doesn’t work,’ she added.
‘It’s like telling women “eat all you want and lose weight,” we don’t buy it, dating has to be disciplined, he pursues you, he pays, he picks the place, he does all the work.’
She added that one of the key points from the handbook’s updated version for 2023 is: ‘You have a higher self and lower self. Your higher self is letting people pursue you, not being desperate. Lower self is desperate,’ she explained.
‘For example, with marriage, your husband says something unkind, a lot of women say something back, even worse.
‘We just say: be silent until you are ready to calmly discuss it.
‘George Clooney and Amal say they’ve never gone in a fight, and I believe it, not because they’re rich and they can pave their way through all their problems, but because they live like higher selves.
They’re philanthropists, hey got peace, harmony, contributing to society, whereas people that fight, couples that fight, they are lower selves, they are selfish, petty, they have to get the last word in, we’re not about that,’ Sherrie said.
‘We’re not being doormats, we’re being diplomatic.’
But she was once again challenged when Holly read an extract from the handbook: ‘When a husband is happy, he stays, when he is unhappy, he leaves or he is miserable.’
‘I feel it’s slightly going back in time somewhat, shouldn’t it be a mutual, respectful – both people should be happy,’ Holly said.
‘Both people should be happy,’ Sherrie agreed before adding: ‘but we’re writing this book for women. So many women – we have clients, many of them in the UK, they get married and suddenly they want another house, or they want a bigger car, they just become insatiable with other things,
The Rules was already controversial when it was published in 1995, and it looks like the 2023 versions will be as eyebrow-raising as its predecessor
‘Or they don’t like his mother, refuse to have anything to do with her. Whatever it is, out of control, and we’re saying: if you want to be in happy marriage, think about you husband’s needs. What does he want? maybe he’s social, maybe he loves his mother, you should meet with his mother more often,’ she added.
‘Too many women are all about themselves they’re thinking about Botox and tummy tucks and the housewives and designers handbags, it’s not about that,’ she said.
‘It’s about making your husband happy and in return, he will be kind to you. It’s like put your hand out and you’ll get back,’ she went on.
Phil offered that everyone is different and that there can’t be a one-size-fits-all type of relationship.
But Sherrie said that she believes The Rules’ method was tried and tested in 27 different countries.
‘We’ve done consultations with women in Germany, Italy. It’s all the same, men need a challenge, that’s why they like sports and bungee jumping, and all kind of race, fast cars, whereas women don’t like that stuff,’ she argued.
‘Women like secure. […] Women want the dress and the wedding, men want the chase,’ she added.
She also said that her point of view is ‘the truth.’
‘The truth is unpopular but it is the truth, if you want to listen to fantasies, you can go online and see guys tell you or coaches telling you “call men, ask men out,” it’s all lies,’ she said.
But Sherrie’s message did not land well with This Morning viewers, who called her out for her outdated views.
‘Well it seems her rules are very outdated lol,’ one said.
‘Sherrie Schneider #ThisMorning you ought to get with the real world. Botox and designer hand bags? fast cars and bigger homes? Who the hell are you talking to? The ‘Real’ housewives,’ another wrote.
‘Sherrie is talking rubbish, this book is going backward not forwards, and isn’t a good representation of todays society,’ one said.
‘What kind of misogynistic drivel is this on #ThisMorning ?? No. Just no,’ another said.
‘Why is she talking as if everyone is straight’ It’s not all men and women relationships you know,’ one said.
‘This woman needs to go back to 1936 where she belongs,’ another wrote.
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