Expecting a hot meal without lifting a finger is a perfectly reasonable request — when you’re at a restaurant. But short of paying for a meal, most decent people will help out in the kitchen, clean up afterward, or at least wrangle the kids to make it easier on the cook. But one dad on Reddit doesn’t want to do anything when it comes to dinner, and he expects a text from his wife when dinner’s ready so he can come home from the bar at the last possible second with a hot meal waiting. Get ready, your blood is going to boil with this one.
In the “Am I The A—hole?” subreddit, a mom vented her frustrations about her husband’s ridiculous expectations. She explained that she works from home and her husband works in construction. While they both put in 8-hour days, her husband gets off about 2.5 hours earlier, so his job is to pick up the kids from school in the afternoon. But the problem is, he apparently thinks that’s his only responsibility — while he expects his wife to make dinner, clean up, and take care of the kids when she gets off.
“He picks up the kids from school and then goes to the gym and/or the bar down the street (think like a Cheers situation where old guys get off work sit around nursing beers and watching sports, everybody knows your name situation),” the mom explained, adding that this routine is recent. “He asks that I text him when dinner is done.”
First of all, this is your wife, not your mom. It almost seems like this dad is living in a childhood fantasy, where he plays outside with his friends until he hears his mama calling “dinner’s ready!” Wouldn’t it be nice?!
The mom continued, “This annoys me right off the bat bc it is a lot everyday to get off work, open the door to your office, and immediately be thrown into watching kids and figuring out dinner.” Yes! Yes, it is, especially when she has a partner who is perfectly capable of helping out and literally just … chooses not to.
“So to think about him casually sipping a beer and then just popping up to enjoy a hot meal doesn’t sit right with me,” she added. “He asked again today and got annoyed when I said no. He thinks I am being an AH bc it takes no energy for me to just text him and doesn’t see the issue. Plus when he is here he doesn’t really help me cook so what’s the difference.”
Let’s unpack this a little. He’s mad at her for not texting him because he “doesn’t really help” cook anyway? That is not the argument he thinks it is! Good freaking point, sir — why don’t you come home and actually do something to ease the burden from your wife a little, or better yet, cook dinner yourself during the HOURS you’re off work before her.
“I feel like you already avoided all the work associated with the meal, asking for a special alert for dinner on top of that is outrageous, especially when you already know I’m cooking and you live here,” the mom explained. “Plus when he is here, while he might not help, he sits at the kitchen island and we chat. So maybe I am the AH bc I would rather he be here and am being bitter about the text thing. IDK, is this a normal request? I know this is pretty petty but we just can’t seem to see eye to eye so I thought I’d open it up to the Reddit community.”
It is not petty. In fact, this mom is asking for the very bare minimum — she doesn’t even want his help! Like … she just wants him to literally sit there and talk to her, and apparently this is still just asking too much for this dad. Are you kidding me?
Redditors did not disappoint in the comment section. “Some restaurants do this,” one person wrote. “When you come in, they give you a pager, and when your table is ready, they page you. He has mistaken you for one of those restaurants. NTA.”
“NTA. This would bother me too,” another person wrote, before offering the best suggestion. “Maybe tell him you would be happy to take turns. You might enjoy hanging out at the bar every other day, sipping beer while his lordship whips up a meatloaf. See what he thinks about that.”
The mom responded to the comment writing, “Lol I like the sound of that! I think we may night some sort of structured arrangement like this going forward though seriously.” Yes, this definitely needs to happen ASAP.
A dad offered a suggestion for how he and his wife do it. “Very early in our marriage, my wife and I swapped cooking as we both worked full time. Once the kids came, we both cooked, and the question each evening was, ‘Kitchen or kids?’” he wrote. “So one bathed, clothed, read and put the kids to bed, and the other cleaned the kitchen completely and got lunch together for the next day. And naturally, we swapped those chores.”
Sounds nice — then you both can relax at the end of the day.
Another person wrote, “NTA – I think it doesn’t sit right for a lot of reasons that have been mentioned, but the request for a text communicates ‘I don’t want to be at home a single second longer than I must be, so please alert me so I can maximize my away time.’” So true. The mom responded to this comment, writing, “Yes! That is exactly the message I get. You could be home sooner but would rather wait until the last possible second. But yeah the issue is bigger than the text. The request for the text is just the cherry on top.”
In the comment section, the mom clarified how his after-school routine typically goes. “The kids are 7 and 10,” she wrote. “They come home and get right to toys and video games. He does not fix them a snack or play with them. They go to some new fangled gifted school that does not believe in assigning homework. He usually stays about 20 min or so after dropping them off before leaving. He will help with bedtime process most nights so I will give him that. I would say it’s both from my point of view-division of labor and spending time. I mean the kids have bed at 8:30 and he also goes to bed early since he’s up early so we have limited quality time together.”
She added, “He does work hard and should have adult time but I also need to feel more valued and supported and not like the hired help!”
Look, I get it. Everyone needs a break from their family and responsibilities sometimes, and getting together with friends is important, too. But the problem is he wants his alone time every night and expects his wife to be perfectly fine — without any alone time herself. He expects her to be happy to work all day, then take care of the kids and dinner all evening, then text him when it’s time to come home like a hired chef. He doesn’t even want to spend any time with his kids or wife, preferring to go to the bar, eat dinner, and go to bed. This man needs a lesson on the meaning of a partnership!
Celebrities — they’re just like us! Especially when it comes to embarrassing their kids.
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