Brittani Boren Leach paid a visit to her late son Crew's grave on Monday, which would have been her baby boy's first birthday.
Documenting the emotional visit on her Instagram, the pregnant YouTube star, 29, was joined by her husband Jeff, their sons Cooper and Cash, Leach's son Carter and Jeff's daughter Sydney.
"Happy birthday baby," Leach wrote on a photo on her Instagram Story of Crew's grave, filled with candles and gifts from the family.
On another photo of Crew's grave, Leach wrote, "All the gifts from his siblings. He is so loved."
Leach filmed the family of six sitting in front of the grave singing "Happy Birthday" with a candle-lit birthday cake, which they ate on the grass together afterwards.
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
RELATED: Brittani Boren Leach in Tears as She Opens Up About Dreading Christmas Anniversary of Son's Death
In a lengthy and heartfelt Instagram post, Leach said that having to sing happy birthday to her late son at his grave was a "crushing weight of intense grief."
"I tried to plan out this day for months due to my own nature, but if anyone knows you can't plan this life, it's me," Leach wrote on Instagram alongside a photo of the family sitting in front of Crew's grave. "And if you have ever had to sing Happy Birthday looking at a headstone instead chubby little hands smashing into their first cake, you know the crushing weight of intense grief and the longing of what isn't."
"I knew I COULD get through this day because I've already been carried on God's shoulders through the hardest days of my life, but today has definitely been one of the harder ones," she shared. "I don't have all the right words to say right now, but I want to say THANK YOU. For everyone who has spread #kindnessforcrew on behalf of our little boy."
Leach went on to say that her son — who died last December at 3 months old —"has made a HUGE impact all over the world."
"THANK YOU for the prayers, calls, texts, messages, gifts, and all your acts of kindness," Leach said. "Each one truly made today just a little more bearable and we could never say thank you enough. Happy Birthday Baby Crew, I know your party in Heaven is the most perfect, beautiful party imaginable, but I selfishly wish you were here instead. 🤍."
RELATED: Brittani Boren Leach Opens Up About 'Broken Heart' in Days Leading Up to Late Son's First Birthday
Leach and husband Jeff lost their infant son last year after he was found unresponsive while napping on Christmas Day. She announced the tragic news that Crew had died two days later, sharing a photo of her cradling her baby boy's body, with her husband beside her.
In a heartfelt message shared last month, Leach opened up about her emotions ahead of Crew's birthday and the anniversary of his death.
"His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and every single day that it gets closer, it kills me," said Leach. "And everybody's starting to decorate their house for fall, and that also kills me because after fall is Christmas, and I don't wanna decorate for Christmas. I just wanna skip over [it]; I just wanna go to January."
In May, Leach and Jeff announced that they are expecting another baby boy in early December. "Sent straight from Heaven and without a doubt, hand-picked by big brother Crew himself, estimated to arrive on December 1, 2020. ❤️," she wrote alongside a video announcement on Instagram.
Source: Read Full Article