Dear Coleen
My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20s and have been together for five years. We are planning to get married at the end of next year and have been saving for the wedding.
Last year, my parents offered us a room in their house so we could stop paying extortionate rent and save the money instead, so we moved in with them.
It sounded like a great idea at the time, but now we barely have sex and, when we do, we’re both conscious of being really quiet and getting it over with, so it’s always quick and we can’t enjoy it as much as we should.
We’ve definitely become more distant from each other. He works long hours, too, so we rarely have any time together on our own. I love him and don’t have any doubts about marrying him, but I’m worried the relationship will self-destruct if we carry on like this.
We don’t want to spend money on an expensive holiday or a weekend in a hotel, so we just feel stuck.
Have you any ideas? A year ago, everything seemed perfect, but now we’re both miserable.
Coleen says
So what happens after the wedding – will you be going back to your parents’ house? Perhaps what you should be doing is saving for a deposit on a flat instead of a big wedding because if you’re still in the same boat after your honeymoon, then being married isn’t going to change that.
If you really love him and want to spend your life with him, then that’s what’s important, not the day itself.
I know lots of girls grow up dreaming of that big white wedding, but you can still have a fabulous, romantic day that doesn’t cost the earth.
I would much rather do that and have my own house to live in than spend every penny I had on catering for other people.
So, my message is, don’t put so much pressure on yourselves for one day. What’s more important – your relationship or a fancy wedding? You have to prioritise.
With a place of your own you can properly start your lives together and have a lovely home to come back to when you are married.
You need to think about what’s putting stress on the relationship and re-evaluate what’s important. If you carry on with the way things are, you might not even make the wedding.
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