Some people take their football seriously. And then there are these guys.
Martin Theobald, 37, thought he might join a local five-a-side team. He was hoping to have a bit of fun, maybe keep fit.
He found out, though, that there was a lot more to it than that. An awful lot more.
Martin applied to join and got in return a fourteen-page rule book containing strict regulations that a lot of pro players might balk at.
The club's 'Director of Football’ said that anyone who took more than a day to reply to one of his WhatsApp messages would be handed a 32-week suspension.
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And anybody who replies with anything other than a 'yes or no' answer will also be banned for three weeks because "there is not time for footie chit chat".
Merely posing a question to the Director of Football which is already listed in the guide will result in a three-week suspension.
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Even "overly competitive play" results in a three-week ban, as does failing to comply with the Captain's instructions or wearing a hat or scarf during a team talk.
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Meanwhile, a series of highly-specific timings are detailed which must be adhered to – such as the half-time whistle being blown at exactly 29 minutes past the hour.
Martin tweeted about the rule book, which is now going viral.
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He wrote: "I recently enquired to a football team, bit of 5-a-side fun. What I got in response is biblical.
"A 14-page club guide. One four. For a 5-a-side team. Within it absolute footballing gold, the highlights of which I am now going to share with you….."
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Unsurprisingly, Martin decided not to join the club – which is in Buckinghamshire but he does not wish to name.
He said: "I've played football at various levels over the last 25 years, kid through to adults 11-a-side, through to 5-a-side, and now veterans football.
"Fair to say I have never come across such a stringent set of rules."
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He said that most sides of this calibre have much more relaxed regulations; "Anything outside of get there on time, get the nets up, clean the changing rooms, listen to the manager will typically be ignored.
"So fair play if this lot have managed to implement a 14 page document for a 5-a-side kickaround.
"Good luck to them, they're getting out and having a kick around, no matter their rules," Martin added.
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