Your destiny is written in the stars… but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a comfortable read. Your horoscopes reveal a lot about your life but usually when it comes to love, more often than not, the predictions are on the positive side.
However, astrologer Richard MacDonald is not one to sugarcoat the truth and has written a book that focuses on you zodiac sign’s characteristics – even if some of them ain’t pretty.
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Nasty Astrology: What your astrologer won’t tell you! is a book that not only picks apart the worst of your sign, but also allows you to "find out exactly what hidden demons lurk within other people’s psyches."
While the book explores every aspect of life, here is some real talk about how everyone acts in relationships. Read on if you don’t mind being offended…
ARIES
God but the Aries do like to fall in love. It’s something they do at the drop of a hat – or a pair of briefs. They keep their hearts in their pants, so it is easy to get an Aries to fall in love with you – just sleep with them. They are, however, puppy-like in love, and will follow their intended around with hang-dog expressions, flowers and lust in their eyes.
TAURUS
Taureans will smother you with tacky gifts, suffocate you with attention and affection. They think having lots of children will keep them safe from being dumped. They have a particularly claustrophobic approach to long-term relationships – you aren’t allowed out of their sight.
GEMINI
When the Gemini falls in love doesn’t everybody have to hear about it. And all the gory details – ‘he said this, she did that’. It’s enough to make you sick. Why can’t they keep it all to themselves? When they get dumped you’d think the world had ended.
CANCER
Cancer in love? You’ll never hear the end of it when it comes to matters of the heart. I think they mistake us for someone who gives a damn. But still they’ll go on about their love affairs, their broken heart or mended heart, their cute kids. It’s all the same, emotional drivel.
LEO
You see the Leo is destined to be hurt in love, nay tortured, dismembered, torn apart. They bring it on themselves. If they could learn to keep their trap shut for five minutes they might just hang onto a lover. But they don’t. They do love to change, to criticise, to tidy up, to argue with and finally, to drive away. It’s in their nature.
VIRGO
Virgos are over-concerned when in love and will need constant reassurance. You have to tell them how much you love them every twenty minutes without fail or they will feel threatened and lacking in self-esteem. They need constant reassurance that every thing is perfect in their little perfect worlds.
LIBRA
Librans will tell you that they are great lovers, and that everyone falls in love with them at the drop of a hat. Unfortunately, a lot of silly people do exactly that. They seem to attract shallow people to them. Anyone with a hint of substance or strength would run a mile from these fops.
SCORPIO
Scorpio in love is something I don’t want to think about, let alone write about. It is simply too dark, too dirty, too close to the knuckle. They don’t have the same respect for the law as the rest of us and will happily commit every sexual taboo going, and a few that haven’t been invented yet.
SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarians fall in love with totally unsuitable people – the kind who will prop up their egos and pander to their aches and pains – they are all terrible hypochondriacs and suffer endless twinges, joint pains, muscular aches, sprains strains and tendon pulls.
CAPRICORN
Capricorns have all the passion of two people watching TV. They like to sit on sofas drinking tea together in matching cardigans. They like slippers. You would think they were shy. But shy they are not. They are just so robotic that they don’t have emotional responses.
AQUARIUS
If you are unlucky enough to fall for an Aquarius then you aren’t going to be wooed or romanced or wined and dined much. You will however get lectured, pontificated at, talked down to and patronised.
PISCES
People who have Pisceans for lovers often feel crushed by them because they can be taken up and then suddenly dropped for no reason. But again, this is part of their power play. By keeping you unsettled they think you’ll want more – treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen.
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