I’m sick of my toxic marriage and desperately want to end it.
To our friends we’re the perfect couple. We have our lovely home and our beautiful dog but our relationship is a sham.
Behind closed doors we loathe each other. We never chat, laugh or make love.
I can’t remember the last time we had sex and that’s absolutely fine by me because I sicken her as much as she annoys me.
Most nights I deliberately stay out late in order to avoid her. I hang around the office and then go for something cheap to eat and drink. I even visit the cinema or drop in on a mate.
If I can stretch my evenings until 10.30pm, then I know she’ll be in bed and I can flop out on the sofa and play video games.
It half kills me when we’re invited out and I have to pretend to play the adoring husband.
I’d like to call it a day and walk away. I dream of passion and sex with other women.
I long to travel, meet new people and reinvent myself. She and I have been together for many years and I don’t feel anything for her any more.
Recently, I overheard her on the phone to her twin sister. She was saying I’m boring, cold and cruel. She said she’d love to leave me but couldn’t risk the wrath of their deeply religious family.
She asked her sister not to breathe a word to anyone and I honestly don’t think the woman will because they’re both terrified of their controlling parents.
I suppose I’m a coward. I know she’ll never leave me for all of the reasons I’ve described but don’t know if I’ve got the nerve to make the break either.
JANE SAYS:
I suggest you start talking to the one person who really needs to hear how you feel – your wife. It seems to me as if you’re avoiding the most significant person in your world.
Sit her down and explain that you’re really struggling to thrive. Emphasise that you find yourself at an emotional crossroads and don’t know which way to turn.
Does she genuinely think staying together is a good idea? Admit you listened to her talking to her sister. Perhaps she wanted you to hear that conversation?
Okay, so she’s scared of her bossy parents but isn’t she struggling to make this union work too? The great thing about having a gloves-off talk is that it will give you both a chance to air your grievances, pinpoint where you’re going wrong and, hopefully, lead to a different kind of future.
Don’t give up on your marriage if it can be improved and saved. But equally there’s no point in staying in a situation where you both feel miserable.
You must do whatever feels right. It would be wonderful if you could both approach this unhappy set of circumstances in as adult a way as possible.
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