DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my wife went off sex, she has suggested her sister and I get together, as her brother-in-law is too ill to want it.
We have been married for 26 years and our marriage has turned into “flatmates with very few benefits”. I am 50 and my wife is 49. We used to have a good sex life but she is now on medication that has completely killed any sexual appetite she had.
Her sister is also in a sexless marriage. Her husband has a debilitating long-term illness that put an end to their sex life.
They are a very open family and my sister-in-law has talked a lot to my wife and me about her sexual frustration. She agrees with my wife’s suggestion.
So far, nothing has happened – I feel the emotional complications could be catastrophic.
But they keep saying: “If we are careful, nobody need ever find out.”
DEIDRE SAYS: You are right to have doubts. Putting their suggestion into action could indeed be catastrophic, as you say. Tell them both a firm no.
It may sound like a convenient relief for sexual frustration but feelings would kick off in one or all of you, causing havoc and heartache.
Just imagine if her poor husband found out.
Ask your wife to talk to her doctor about changing her medication. Show her lots of affection, meanwhile, even if you know it will go no further.
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