I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years. I’m 27 and she’s 21. She is a hotel receptionist, working lots of unsociable hours. I’m a mechanic.
We were arguing a lot and we decided we were going to try having an open relationship just to see whether we were meant to be together.
My girlfriend’s mum is a fitness instructor and takes classes at the gym where I go. She’s amazingly fit and looks about 25.
She decided to have an impromptu party for her 39th birthday and invited me, even though my girlfriend and I weren’t officially together, as lots of people from the gym were going. My girlfriend was away for the weekend at a friend’s hen party.
We had lots to drink and everyone was dancing and having fun. I was hammered so her mum said I should stay in the spare room rather than booking a cab.
As people left we started washing up and she went to give me a peck on the cheek to thank me for helping her, but it was just as I turned my head and our lips met.
I was shocked but it felt nice. We kissed some more and ended up having sex on her kitchen table. Then, to my horror, I saw my girlfriend standing in the doorway. She had come back early from the hen weekend.
She screamed: “You’ve really crossed the line, you b*****d”. When I pointed out we were having an open relationship, she calmed down and confessed to having a fling with one of the waiters from work. I was fuming. Now my girlfriend has found out she is pregnant and so has her mother.
My girlfriend is positive it’s mine because of the timing. Her mother says she’s not had sex with anyone for years, so she knows I’m the father.
While my girlfriend is not speaking to me, her mum pesters me to move in with her. Things couldn’t be any worse.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a mess but I’m less worried about how this affects you, your girlfriend and her mum than I am about how life will be for two innocent children if both women decide to go ahead with their pregnancy.
You must talk with both of them separately and emphasise that they must not let some sort of mistaken rivalry stop them thinking through the consequences. You and your girlfriend’s relationship has been far from settled and stable. Is either of you ready to become a responsible parent? What chance a relationship between you and her mum could last?
The decision about continuing with any pregnancy will rest with your girlfriend and her mother, but they need to know where they stand with you. Don’t mouth statements about being supportive if you’re not going to be committed.
My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy explains where you can all find support.
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