Why you SHOULD discipline other people’s children when they misbehave – and what to do and say so their parents aren’t offended
- Dr Justin Coulsen has spoken about disciplining other people’s children
- While he says some situations warrant this, wading in can be tricky territory
- The parenting expert reveals how to be stern without causing more problems
Most parents discipline their children when they misbehave and often a stern talking to or time out is all that’s required for them to fall back in line.
But what happens when it’s someone else’s child who is behaving badly and their mum and dad is not there to take charge?
Australian parenting expert and father-of-six Dr Justin Coulson was asked by a mum if she was right to intervene in a disagreement between her son and another child.
‘The short answer is “Heck Yes!” Dr Coulson wrote on his blog.
‘We have a responsibility to discipline other people’s kids – particularly when they’re not doing it themselves.’
Most parents understand it’s their duty to discipline their kids when they misbehave (stock image)
While the expert and author notes there are a raft of opinions and views surrounding the discussion, he believes discipline was more about instruction than punishment.
‘It [discipline] derives from the word Latin word, disciplina, which means instruction or knowledge,’ he explained.
‘This puts an alternative spin on things! Disciplining is not about punishing, it is about teaching, whether it’s our child or somebody else’s child.
‘And if done correctly, with gentleness and kindness, most parents would welcome another parent teaching their child about the right way to behave.’
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Dr Coulson argued for a responsible approach to discipline saying people should intervene ‘teach, guide and instruct’ when children need it.
Dr Justin Coulson (pictured) said kids need discipline but it should always be focused on guidance, instruction, and helping
‘Kids need discipline. But it should always be focused on guidance, instruction, and helping.
‘When it is, we can be safe in saying that it’s everyone’s responsibility to be involved in raising and disciplining kids.’
He stressed any disciplinary action taken toward’s another’s child should be done so in a calm and non-judgmental manner.
Dr Coulson said if a child was young, distraction and separation would ‘typically be enough’ to defuse a situation.
Then, he advised offering the child a simple explanation that what they did was not OK.
‘Being polite and calm helps everybody involved (the children and the other parent) recognise that we aren’t there to hurt or punish anyone,’ he said.
Dr Coulson said any disciplinary action taken toward’s another’s child should be done so in a calm and non-judgmental manner (stock image)
Dr Coulson also said that if it were necessary to discipline another’s child, to do so in a spirit of kindness.
‘We don’t know what is going on in the lives of other people,’ he wrote.
‘There might be a mental condition or a physical ailment that is affecting the child, or there could be something going on in his home life.’
What do to and say when disciplining a child:
When dealing with difficult situations or as children get older, Dr Coulson suggests using gentle statements such as “It seems as though…” when intervening. For example: “Hey kids. It seems as though things aren’t working so well. Do you need some help?”
Children will be responsive in most cases when a stranger approaches them to carefully help a situation rather than when a stranger storms into a situation and demands everyone “cut it out and stop being so nasty.”
If things escalate, perhaps because children are older, Dr Coulson says it is best to find the child’s parent. Use the same approach: “Hi, it seems like the kids could do with our help.”
The expert also advises men disciplining other’s children to be particularly careful.
He advises that if it is necessary to intervene as a male, keep some distance so no one feels physically threatened, crouch down and speak softly and ‘try not to look mad!’
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