But fear not, as Scottish blogger Gill Simms – who is the best-selling author behind the hilariously honest books Why Mummy Drinks and Why Mummy Swears – is here to help with her essential summer-holiday survival guide…
Ah, the summer holidays!
Golden, sun drenched days, filled with merry children romping on sandy beaches, tumbling apple cheeked on village greens and picnicking on delicious wholesome fare on the banks of babbling brooks…
OR six long weeks, when it will be deemed either ‘too hot’, ‘too cold’ or ‘too rainy’ for your darlings to consider unplugging themselves from their electronic devices and go outside, filled with constant demands for ‘snacks’ and extra meals (ideally consisted of processed carbohydrates, rather than anything with some nutritional value) and complaints they are ‘bored’, as you bankrupt yourself on a combination of childcare and days out and when the only ‘babbling’ is the incessant wittering from your cherubs.
So, if you too are staring endlessly at the calendar, wondering if it would be wrong to make a chart and start crossing off the days till they return to school, here is a brief survival guide to help you get through these long weeks, till there is a glimmer of sanity at the end of the tunnel!
1. Lower your expectations
It is never going to be the magical, golden time I described in the first lines here. It probably never has been.
Even in the balmy days of Enid Blyton, the Famous Five’s parents probably only sent them off for weeks at a time on their own because they were fed up with complaints about boredom and demands for a fifth packet of crisps.
Accept that there is going to be a lot of squabbling, whatever entertainment you have planned will probably be met with unimpressed faces and that everything (your children, you, every surface in your house, your dog) will somehow be sticky and slightly grubby for six weeks, and you will save yourself a lot of disappointment!
2. Let them be bored
You don’t need to provide constant entertainment.
Boredom is good for children, it forces them to use their own imaginations and explore their creativity, which is obviously Very Good Parenting on your part and so you should be proud of how you are expanding your cherubs’ horizons and turning them into Well Rounded Individuals, who may well go on to Great Things.
Also, because children are fickle and contrary creatures, no matter what marvellous things you arrange for them over the summer, if you ask them what was the BEST part of the summer holidays, they will inevitably reply something like ‘The day we stayed at home and played with an old cardboard box and some mud!’
3. NEVER listen to strangers
It’s OK not to enjoy every minute.
There will, inevitably, be some helpful stranger who pops up to tell you to ‘Enjoy every minute, they’re not little for long, you know! You’ll miss these days when they are gone!’
Usually this happens when you are at breaking point in the supermarket, having spent the last hour just trying to buy loo roll while small children chant ‘Mum! Mum! Can I have this, Mum? Why can’t I have this, Mum? Well, can I have this then, Mum? Mum? Mum? WHY can’t I have this, Mum?’
But still someone feels the need to guilt trip you for because clearly if you are not enjoying every moment, you are a bad parent.
These people should mind their own business. Not every moment of parenting is joyful, and it’s OK to be fed up and long for bedtime (yours or theirs) sometimes.
4. Ration the snacks
This is actually a useful(ish) tip. Give each child a bowl of snacks in the morning and tell them that is their lot – they need to ration it out over the day.
If it’s all gone by 10.30am- tough! They don’t get any more! Although this seems cunning, there is always the chance you will just be whined at anyway for more snacks. It’s worth a try though!
5. Treat yourself
Promise yourself a treat when they’ve gone back to school.
Anything from a cup of tea and a packet of nice biscuits in peace, to running away to a desert island without them
Although, by the time you’ve been bankrupted by the summer holidays, a packet of Value HobNobs might be the only thing you can afford!
Good luck, mums and dads, we're all rooting for you.
In more parenting news, this mum called out a rude midwife who shamed her for her weight.
And Aldi has a HUGE baby and toddler sale this weekend…and prices start at 59p.
Gill's second book Why Mummy Swears is available on Amazon now (£3.99).
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