A devastated radio host said she was on the verge of taking her own life as she desperately tried to deal with her partner’s suicide.
Amy Irons said she drove to a bridge with the intention of killing herself in the hope of being reunited with Wayne Ewer.
But something stopped the Capital FM breakfast show at the last minute.
She said the thought of causing her family “insufferable pain” and not being around to keep Wayne’s precious memory alive brought her back from the brink.
She has now bravely fought back, getting Wayne’s initials ‘WE’ tattoed on her arm, saying: "For me, it will always be we."
She told the Daily Record : “One night two weeks ago, I drove to a bridge.
"There were a dozen people I could have lifted the phone to who would have talked me round but, in that split second, I didn’t want their help.
“I wanted to be with Wayne and felt I couldn’t face living a minute more in a world without him. I wanted to put a stop to the hurting.
“But, at some point, the more rational part of my brain kicked into action and made me question what I was about to do and the affect it would have on those I loved.
“I decided I couldn’t bear them having to live with the insufferable pain I’m living with now.
“Luckily, I had the vehicle to get myself out of the situation as I’m not afraid to talk about my feelings but there are others who are.”
Although Amy, 27, knows nothing can bring her boyfriend back, she hopes by speaking out about his death and her own dark thoughts she will help remove the stigma surrounding suicide.
She said: “When folk hear the word suicide, they assume the person was depressed. But Wayne was one of the happiest people I’ve met.
“He loved his life and everyone in it. He had the most infectious smile and a foghorn laugh.”
Amy revealed salesman Wayne, 34, had been drinking and using cocaine hours before he took his own life. He knew she was anti-drugs so tried to hide his problem from her.
Amy also revealed there had been occasions when he tried to hurt himself after taking the drug with alcohol.
The presenter added: “When he took cocaine, Wayne became a different person. He’d try to harm himself and then, in the morning, wouldn’t remember.
“The Wayne I knew and loved never meant to die. An adverse reaction was triggered when he mixed them together.
“Suicide remains a taboo subject and it shouldn’t be.”
She added: “I want to address the raw topic of suicide head on. My plan is to make a documentary about Wayne and bring in other people’s stories too.”
Dad-of-two Wayne, who grew up in Cape Town, South Africa, attempted to take his own life on June 17, while Amy was away at a family wedding.
He called NHS24 and left the door of their Glasgow flat open for paramedics to discover him but he died four days later in Glasgow’s Queen Elizabeth University Hospital.
Wayne passed away on Thursday, June 21, in Amy’s arms surrounded by her family and Wayne’s dad Graeme and sister Tammy.
Amy’s mum Fiona Hird, 56, had to break the news to Wayne’s mum Sandra and his brothers in South Africa.
DJ Amy, who was with Wayne for 12 months, said: “I collapsed and found it hard to accept that he was gone.
"Wayne brought out the best in me and I still can’t imagine life without him.
“We held a beautiful memorial for him in Callander, where we let off balloons, shared stories and played his favourite music.
"His family held a similar memorial for him in Cape Town and I’m hoping to take his ashes to South Africa in the next few months.”
Last week, Amy received a letter revealing Wayne – who was once tipped as South Africa’s answer to cricket legend Shane Warne – saved four lives through organ donation.
She said: “Donating his organs saved lives. It means so much to me that he will live on through other people. I want him to be remembered for the way he lived rather than the way he died.
“We had only been together for a year but he was definitely the one. We were soulmates, best friends and lovers.
"We had talked about marriage and children and were looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together.”
The former STV presenter added: “Wayne was also a fantastic dad who doted on his children, who live with their mum abroad.
“He was one of the most kind-hearted people I have met. He lit up a room and made everyone feel special, especially the disabled kids he worked with through the charity Fabb Scotland.
“He loved working with kids so much that we are hoping to set up a children’s charity in his name, which will educate youngsters about alcohol, drugs and the importance of their mental health.”
Amy, who fronts the Capital Breakfast show with Des Clarke and Steven Mill, admits she would not be here today if it had not been for the love and support of her family and friends.
She said: “The last five weeks have been the toughest of my life. What’s keeping me and all Wayne’s loved ones going is realising how blessed and lucky we were to have him in our lives.
“His initials were WE and I got them tattooed on my arm. For me, it will always be we.
“I also have a star as that’s what he was – a shooting star who burned so brightly he burned out too soon.”
If you are struggling, don’t suffer in silence – you can contact the Samaritans for free, non-judgemental conversation at any time of the day or night on 116 123.
Alternatively, email [email protected] or visit their website to find your nearest local branch
Source: Read Full Article