I was single for a year after a very messy break-up with my ex. He was controlling and my self-confidence was on the floor by the time I broke free. I felt very low.
Then I met my new boyfriend and it was like someone switched the lights on. I am 23 and he is 25.
We’ve been together for two months and it has been perfect, but he had to go away for the weekend on a work get-together.
A friend suggested I go with her to a mutual friend’s party. I was definitely celebrating my new relationship but went right over the top, drank loads and fell asleep.
Someone suggested I go upstairs and lie down. I meant to find a quiet room but stumbled into one where some of the guys were crashed out.
I have since been having flashbacks about having sex with one I’d known vaguely since school. He was in the year above. I know I consented because I remember us kissing first.
When I woke up the next day most of the guests had gone including the guy I had sex with.
Now I am full of guilt for what I did. I hate myself. How could I do such a thing with a man I didn’t even know that well?
I am terrified my new boyfriend will find out. When I think straight, I know this is unlikely but it still worries me.
What sort of person does it make me? No one deserves to be with someone like that. I was hoping to have a happy future with my new boyfriend but now I have ruined everything.
I am scared I might appear to be different in some way and he will guess something is up. Should I confess? Or should I just say I don’t want to see him any more so that he doesn’t have to put up with someone like me?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are beating yourself up and I agree getting that drunk was a stupid thing to do. If you’d had a soft drink for each alcoholic one, the chances are none of this would have happened.
But this doesn’t make you a terrible person. You say you consented to the sex but in the eyes of the law someone who is very drunk is in no fit state to give informed consent.
I realise the guy you had sex with may have been just as drunk and just as foolish, but the point I am making is that you should forgive yourself but learn from this.
Resolve never to let yourself be helpless like that again. I wouldn’t tell your new boyfriend but make sure this is a one-off.
You can offload your feelings in confidence to The Mix who help under 25s with any problem (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994).
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