Sex feels like 'sandpaper scraping inside me', says woman, 26, plagued by agonising vaginismus

Victoria Johnston lives with vaginismus, a condition which makes penetration feel like her insides are being scraped with sandpaper.

“The pain during penetration is a burning sensation,” the 26-year-old said.

“Sometimes there is also a scraping feeling, like sandpaper rubbing the internal skin.

“It's excruciatingly painful and sometimes the muscles won't even allow anything to penetrate. They simply blockade anything from entering.”

The effects on Victoria’s personal life are easy to imagine.

“Many guys used to make me feel guilty for having this condition,” she said.

“They would say hurtful words like I simply lie there during sex, unable to see the emotional and physical pain in my eyes.

“Many would force themselves on me for their own pleasure, disregarding my own feelings.

“I have been told I don’t try hard enough, despite my constant efforts to get better for the both of us. I have been bullied, blamed and emotionally wrecked by unkind partners.”

Vaginismus causes an involuntary spasm in the vaginal muscles that can make sex painful and at times, impossible.

Victoria's fiancé, Duncan Finlay, 26, has had to accept that sex can't play a massive role in their relationship.


FIND OUT MORE Vaginismus is the real reason so many women don't want sex – we reveal all here


She explained: “Even though I am in a committed, long-term relationship, our sex life is nonexistent.

“Because I also struggle from past emotional and physical abuse, any form of intimacy makes me nervous and uncomfortable.

“Non-penetrative sex, cuddling and kissing are also difficult and something I have a hard time doing.

“Instead of forcing me to perform any type of sexual activity, my fiancé allows me to initiate at my own pace.”

The condition has been with, Victoria, who's from the Indiana, USA, since the first time she tried to have sex.

"I first became aware that I had vaginismus after continually having painful sex.

AN AGONISING CONDITION THAT RUINS SEX LIVES

VAGINISMUS is a painful condition that can make sex unbearable.

Stress can make it worse, causing a woman's pelvic floor muscles to knot up and spasm.

It causes involuntary tightening of the muscles around the vagina whenever penetration, whether its with your man or using a sex toy, is attempted.

Even using tampons or a visit to the gynaecologist can leave sufferers in agony.

Vaginismus can completely disrupt a woman's sex life and cause her to lose all confidence in the bedroom.

And it can also lead to relationship problems even preventing women get pregnant.

The condition varies from person to person – some women are unable to insert anything into their vagina, some can use a tampon but cannot have sex and some can have sex but find it extremely painful, according to the NHS.

“I searched for ‘painful sex’ on the internet and realised I hit all the signs and symptoms for having vaginismus.

“At first, I was in denial and simply thought all I needed was practice.

“However my therapist recommended I seek medical help when I eventually told her about my struggles.”

She's now written a book about her condition, which she says has also affected her mental health.

“I am always nervous and depressed,” she said.

“Because I have become more emotional, I have had to seek psychological help as part of my treatment for vaginismus.

“This includes talking with a therapist and taking medication for my anxiety and depression.

“The condition often brings me down or makes me feel guilty, like developing this condition was my fault in some way.

“I also have to be more mindful of triggers. For instance, I try to avoid talking with friends about sex, and watching movies or TV shows that centre around romance and sex.

“On the positive side, it has helped me to grow more patient and develop a deeper bond with my fiancé.”

Although it can be caused by painful medical conditions, vaginismus is often a result of trauma.

Victoria blames her condition on her strict Catholic upbringing and emotion abuse from past boyfriends.

“Most doctors I have seen have told me that they don’t know how to help me. I find this incredibly frustrating and have discovered that this is a common problem all over the world.”

She continued: “I would like people to understand that this condition is out there and it is real. It is not a condition that one can simply ‘get over’.

“Those who suffer from vaginismus are dealing with a variety of traumas and we should not shame them from talking about it.

“Partners should especially understand that the woman is not at fault.

“They should help to create a positive and supportive atmosphere for their loved ones who suffer from this condition.”

Victoria now hopes that her book, Living with Vaginismus: Dealing with the World's Most Painful Pleasure, will help other sufferers.

"I hope that by bringing my story forward, more women will get the courage to do the same."



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