Dealing with teenage hormones, constant attitudes and all the stress of secondary school life…
I challenge anyone to say “the hard bit is over.”
I had son Finnbar when I was 19, so I often feel like I grew up on the job.
The other day I was sitting in the kitchen.
Finnbar had two friends over and they sat on their phones laughing and commenting on what they scrolled through, all in teenage slang that 31-year-old me stands no chance of being able to decipher.
I was sorting through washing on the other side of the kitchen when my ears pricked up. The boys were discussing their “love interests”. Finally, a subject I can join in with.
I sat down and started asking questions, and the boys couldn’t wait to tell me about the girls they liked at their school.
I felt like “one of the lads” and it was amazing bonding with my son and his friends, reliving my own funny teenage conversations.
But just as quickly as it started, they turned back to their phones and began speaking in code about “memes” again – returning me to the “mum bench”.
It was then I realised that, while we often have a laugh and share our lives together, I will always be seen as mum – before friend – to my children.
Yes, they love sharing stories about their mates and “love interests”, but there’s always a limit to what they share and there’s always a limit to how curious I can be.
At first I felt sad by this. Then I realised my role is to listen and participate, like a friend, but also to support and guide, like a mum. To be there when their friends aren’t, to give proper advice – that is so much more rewarding than I could have imagined.
Finding the balance can be hard and the tightrope walk is a delicate one.
It’s a constant learning curve, but being the one they share their laughter, their tears, their excitement, and their fears with is the greatest thing about being a mum.
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