The statistic from online female community Scarlett Ladies reveals that the nation’s bedrooms are awkwardly quiet when it comes to saucy pillow talk.
Intimacy expert Kate Taylor says: “It is upsetting how many women cannot talk openly with their partner about sex, but it comes as no surprise. I want women to be empowered and knowledgeable, increasing their confidence in the bedroom.”
So what are the main things women wonder about sex but are too afraid to ask? Here, Kate answers the questions we all want to know.
Q: IS it bad that I sometimes think about someone other than my partner during sex?
A: Letting your mind wander is generally harmless fun. But if your brain keeps returning to the same “other” person, ask yourself why. Do they have qualities which your partner lacks? Do they offer an escape route?
It’s easy to fall into a rut with a stable partner, so try to seek excitement in other ways – swap positions or do the deed in a new venue. If you can’t climax without wishing you were with someone else, it might be a sign you need couples counselling or pastures new.
Q: HOW often do women fake orgasms?
A: Oh, yes, we’re the great pretenders. A survey by Durex last year revealed that ten per cent of women fake an orgasm at least once a week. It’s time to start owning up to the big fake O.
Women often feel pressure to orgasm which is, in fact, turning us off. It can also be psychological, so try to relieve stress.
Get to know your own body with sex toys so you are aware of what you enjoy. The survey also showed that 80 per cent of men base their sexual satisfaction on making their partner happy.
So he’s committed to getting you there – as long as you’re honest.
Q: IS the Pill or my contraception putting me off sex?
A: Realistically, most contraceptives have an impact on your sex life in some way. Condoms create a pause in your passion. IUDs (like the copper coil) can lengthen your periods, making sex less frequent.
And hormonal methods such as the Pill, implant or Mirena coil, stop you ovulating, so you don’t get the natural mid-month surge in lust.
They can also cause other physical side-effects, including weight gain, acne or mood swings that make you feel less desirable.
Try switching methods until you find one that suits your body.
Q: WHAT’S the average penis size – and does it matter?
A: According to the NHS, the average erect penis measures between 5in to 7in (13cm to 18cm) long. Flaccid, it’s a far more modest 3.5in (9cm).
But size really doesn’t matter. Your most sensitive nerve endings are around the entrance of your vagina, meaning the additional length doesn’t necessarily boost pleasure.
In an internet survey of more than 50,000 men and women, 85 per cent of men were concerned about the size of their manhood, while 45 per cent of women didn’t mind how big their partners were – and in fact cared far more about his personality and his grooming habits.
Q: HOW long should sex normally last for?
A: The average love-making of UK couples lasts 19.5 minutes, according to a survey by retailer LoveHoney. That’s ten minutes of foreplay, followed by nine and a half minutes of actual sex.
A study published in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine revealed sex therapists believe seven to 13 minutes is the most desirable timespan.
Q: IS it a sign of a bad relationship if I don’t want sex?
A: If you’re generally just not feeling lusty, then your relationship is probably fine. You might be a bit stressed, tired or feeling a little self-conscious about your body.
In that case, remember that sex is a natural stress-reliever, helps you sleep and burns around 150 calories a session. But if you feel unsexy only with your partner, try to solve any niggling issues or causes of resentment to clear the way for the lust to return.
Q: HOW can I tell my other half what I like in the bedroom?
A: If you’re concerned your partner might take any new suggestions as a criticism, then frame your desires as a sexy fantasy, a dream you recently had or as a naughty idea you read in a book.
Describe the scene with as much detail as possible and tell your partner it really turned you on.
He should jump at the chance to turn your “dream” into reality.
Q: WHAT if I want more sex than my partner?
A: Mismatched libidos are a common sexual problem, and it’s very often the woman who feels short-changed. First, don’t nag for a shag. Instead, pay more attention to when he seems in the mood, or makes affectionate openings towards you, as it’s sometimes easy to miss them. Treat yourself to a sexy toy. Agree to a sexual schedule that suits both of you.
Happy couples make love as often as it takes for them both to feel desirable, loved and sexy.
And if it’s still the early days of your relationship, remember that people’s sex drives do not usually increase.
Q: SHOULD I have sex now that I am pregnant?
A: Check with your midwife, but sex during pregnancy is usually fine. It’s even one of the most satisfying times for women, as increased blood flow to your pelvic area means orgasms are easier than ever.
And an old wives’ tale says it’s a great way to bring on labour if you’re overdue.
For comfort, try the spoons position where you both lie on your side.
Q: HOW long after giving birth should I have sex again and how can I feel confident?
A: If there were no complications, then you’re usually good to go six to eight weeks after the birth. For more complicated births, always check with your doctor or health visitor.
It’s natural for your nerves to be sky-high and your confidence at rock bottom, so take things super slow.
Focus on rebuilding the intimacy and the connection rather than the passion. Start with a warm bath and a gentle massage and wear lingerie that flatters any parts of your body you’re not comfortable with. Focus on foreplay – your confidence will build as you get more aroused, so don’t rush.
Q: SHOULD I be trying every sex position?
A: New positions are a great way of bringing the fun back into a long-term relationship, but most are just a new twist on the five old favourites – missionary, girl on top, doggy style, scissors or standing up.
Roll out the wheelbarrow if the mood takes you, but remember you can get just as much erotic excitement by having “normal” sex in new locations.
Q: DOES waxing affect sex for him and me?
A: Waxing can boost sexual confidence. Men usually love the way their bits look bigger. For women, it might boost your swagger and your pleasure.
A US study of 2,453 women found pubic hair removal was associated with a more positive self-image in the bedroom.
Baring your bits can also make you more sensitive and make oral sex easier.
Q: WHAT is the age we have our highest sex drive?
A: Women’s sex drive increases from the age of 27, and usually peaks just before the beginning of the menopause at 45 to 52. After this you might experience a decline in sex drive due to hormones or even medication.
Taking an iron supplement can restore your energy if the menopause is dampening your drive, and HRT and testosterone therapy can offer a boost.
After the menopause, many women find their sex life receives a boost due to increased confidence and not needing contraceptives.
Q: SHOULD I introduce sex toys into the bedroom?
A: High-powered sex toys deliver a short, sharp shot of pleasure to your nether region, and they are particularly rewarding for women who normally struggle to climax.
But if you rely on your toys to orgasm, you can develop a resistance to more gentle, human stimulation.
A tool that can vibrate over 5,400 times per minute can temporarily numb the 8,000 nerves and fast-forward you past the natural arousal and plateau stage of your orgasm, meaning you miss out on a lot of pleasure.
Q: IS it weird to fantasise about both sexes even though I am straight?
A: Absolutely not. Fantasies give your imagination a chance to explore the wildest corners of your sexuality.
Many women fantasise about other women. One survey reported 37 per cent of women did just that.
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