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Top Chef” alum Fatima Ali reveals that her cancer has returned after doctors declared that she was cancer-free back in February. In an emotional essay published on Bon Appetit’s Healthyish, the 29-year-old says that her oncologist tells her that she only has one year to live, “with or without the new chemotherapy regimen.”

“I was looking forward to being 30, flirty and thriving. Guess I have to step up on the flirting. I have no time to lose,” she writes, before revealing her plans to spend the rest of her life by doing what she loves best: visiting new restaurants around the world. “I am desperate to overload my senses in the coming months, making reservations at the world’s best restaurants, reaching out to past lovers and friends, and smothering my family, giving them the time that I so selfishly guarded before.”

Ali also says that she has a list of names who she wishes to make amends with before she passes away, admitting that she needs to “learn how to ask forgiveness without expecting to receiving it.” It is actually one of the most frightening things that she has ever had to do.

Now that she has hit rock bottom, the chef acknowledges that she is “scared” because she fears she “won’t last very long.” However, she also reveals that she feels an “odd sense of relief” because she “can finally live for myself, even if it’s just for a few more precious months.”

Concluding her lengthy post, Ali confesses, “I was always deathly afraid of being average in any way, and now I desperately wish to have a simple, uneventful life.”

Ali, who competed in season 15 of “Top Chef”, was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcome, a rare form of cancer in the bone, last year. Host Padma Lakshmi was there with her in the hospital as she prepared for her surgery.

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